Secret Crush on You (2022)

Is it worth watching? Yes.

As someone who watches BL often and tries to keep up with BL releases, I admit I didn't have much hopes for this series just based on the trailers. I'm the type to at least watch the first epsiode though, so I gave it a try. I have to say, the embrassment was way too much for me and I put it off for at least a month before trying again after multiple recommendations and good reviews from friends. After the first 3 epsiode though, it did get much better. So for those looking to see if the series is any good, you'll have to survive the first 3 epsiodes before you make any judgements. I would recommend watching at least until epsiode 5 before deciding whether or not to drop the series. Also a warning for those who are new to the series and has just started watching. Toh is the defination of second hand embrassment. If I got a dollar everytime I had to press pause, cover my face in embrassment and scream at my laptop, I'd be a millionarine right now. All in all, the series itself is very unique and weird (which I think is done on purpose) so going into it, keep in mind that it isn't like any other BL series you've seen so far and don't try to treat it as such.

Before anything, a big shoutout to the translators who diligently worked to put up subtitles for us international fans. They were one of the best I've seen on an offical channel. Thank you so much for all your hard work~

Story : There are multiple things I like about the story itself. One, it has a unusal main character. Almost all BL stories start with the main character being a normal good looking guy who somehow ends up in a werid situation with the main lead and then falls in love. Here we know, Toh is not normal at all. He has his issues, (extremely) embrassing moments and is in love with Nuea from the start. He goes too far sometimes and honestly really needs to see a doctor that specializes in mental illnesses. However, there's character development. We do see somewhat of an improvement. His friends advice him and go as far as restricting him by keeping someone nearby to watch over him. Although this isn't very helpful, they are trying their best and at the very least doesn't brush it off. They acknowledge that he has a problem which is the first step. As his relationship with Nuea gets better, we also see his friends helping him address and change his hoarding habits. They even thought about him having withdraws and instead of instantly insisting he change immediately, they restrict it to him collecting one item each date. They'll slowly start restricting him to one item a week, one item a month, one item a year and so on until he stops all together. This is not only helpful but also better for both Toh and his friends. Making him stop collecting items immediately would not only cause withdraw symptoms like they said but would also lower his confidence and self esteem when he sees that he's not able to follow the set of rules. It'll not only make him feel bad and less deserving of a happy relationship with Nuea but also disappoint his friends which can cause tension between them. I'm glad the show decided to use a realistic way to help with Toh's bad habits. I'm also glad that Toh's willing to follow his friends advice and not break the rules they've set for him despite all the grumbling he does. This not only shows how much he treasures their friendship but also that he understands his friends' worries for him. It shows how close-knit their friend group is.

Two, the story centers around feminie characters. Most BL shows have masculine or manly characters and use good looking (mostly straight) actors so they can attract females and get more views. They use actors with softer features as bottoms but be honest, they would totally look like straight guys if you saw them alone walking down the streets and didn't know they were in a BL series. They do sexy photoshoots and even in sex scenes where they're supposed to be getting railed, they're told to look sexy in order to avoid looking "feminie" or "weak". Yes, there's nothing wrong with a manly bottom but there's also nothing wrong with a feminie bottom. The only reason why most shows don't use feminie looking actors is because in Thailand and SouthEast Asia especially, females or being feminie is considered weak. A guy who acts feminie is considered not a man. Guys who act feminie are shunned from scoiety. Even in movies and TV shows, they're there to provide comedic relief, be a cannon folder, a confidant that the female lead shares her worries to, or a side character that'll never get his own happy ending. They're only given jobs like hair stylists and makeup artists because those are considered feminie. hey're always the butt of the joke. It's been this way for centuries in Asia. Toh's whole group of friends are very feminie compared to other male characters. They talk about guys, they sqeaul when there's someone hot, they tease each other about their crushes, they go into detail about their relationships, etc. Most of all, they act and dress feminie. They show their emotion, they cry, they blush and are openly (mostly) gay. Although these aren't exactly what we would call feminie traits, compared to other male characters, they are considered as such. I love this show because it shows us their perspective. It treats them like normal human beings.

Three, we're seeing many new LGBTQ+ representations in the series. I would say it is the most inclusive series I've watched. We have bisexual main characters (Nuea, Sky), openly gay group of friends (Toh, Jao), a trans person (Daisy), straight people who are fine with other people's sexualities (Intouch, Som, Tor) etc. The characters in the story are already gay, bi or pan. They don't get "turned" gay or play the "I'm straight but the person I like just so happens to be a guy" trope. By accepting the fact that there are other sexualities and that straight people don't just happen fall in love with the same sex, we are one step closer to the goal (portarying LGBTQ+ people correctly and as normal people). In addition to the male x male couples, we have two straight couples (no more, everyone in the world is gay trope), and a lesbian couple (the very first too). We see them give Daisy her happy ending with Intouch unlike other BLs where characters that are trans or as openly feminine as Daisy are used as comedy relief. This is a huge improvement for the BL industry and Thailand.

Four, although we get introduced the main characters with their groups of friends, unlike other BL series, they don't just disappear as the plot continue. This is honesly one of the best things I like about the series. Both Toh's group of friends and Nuea's group of friends are seen multiple times. This is unlike other BLs where you can count the amount of the main characters meeting with their whole gang in one hand. They encourage them, comfort them, help them and advice them. At the same time, they call each other out when they see them doing something bad. They don't just brush it off because Toh's the main character or they're all busy with their love lives. They help with Toh's bad habits, Jao's insecurities, Daisy's worries, etc. They are great friends for each other. They don't get ignored or forgotten as the couples get together. Yes, we see lots of scenes where each individual ship is alone but we also see lots of scenes where they're with their friends and are talking about their problems or listening to others' problems.

Five, the relationships develop very naturally. We can see their whole love story and can even tell accuate timelines about when they first meet, when their relationship start to change, when they started falling and when they finally agreed to date each other. It isn't a sudden interest or relationship because we see them gradually falling and changing both in the way they treat their love interest and the people around them. Because we can see how much their relationship change them for the better, we're able to root for them more. And because their love story happened so naturally, it doesn't feel unexpected or something done just to get the plot going when they get together. This is possible too because the crews are always together. We kinda see everyone's love stories at the same time and how it affects others. Props to the director for being able to not make it look overwhelming. Seeing them interact with all their friends together with their little movements, the way they are close to each other and the way they touch each other makes them look so much more natural. This can be seen in epsiode 10 (the basketball court) or epsiode 9 (at the bar). Plus, the other couples give a good contrast to Nuea and Toh's relationship. Their relationship is obviously very strange and weird but the writer's telling us that not all couples are like that and there are couples with healthy relationships in the show which is a good message to send espeically to the younger audience who would wish of a love story similar while watching these series. At the same time, just because these couples are in a healthy relationship and started out much more normally than NueaToh, doesn't mean that they don't have their own problems and worries. It shows that all the couples have their ups and downs too, not just the strange ones. Relationships aren't just all cute and butterflies. To have a real relationship, you have to put in the work.

Six, character development. There's so much character development in this series. Almost everyone has some level of character development which shows that the writer, producer and director really worked to give the characters depth and improvement. Considering how cartoonishly funny they acted in the first 3 epsiodes (also probably the reason why most of us cringed a lot), we see them have flaws, probelms we relate to, improve, and eventually makes us see them as real life people instead of just characters. Yes, they still have that cartoonish manner that reminds us these are just characters in a BL series but as we continue to watch the epsiodes, we connect with them. We see character development from everyone. We see Nuea changed from this cold, manipulative person to cute and clingy as he falls and confirms his feelings for Toh. We see his jealous and possessive side as well as his considerate and kind side. He reasures Toh when he has insecures about himself or the relationship. He's patient with him when Toh's throwing one of his tantrums. Heck, he even lets Toh try topping him once (though it didn't work out) because he didn't want Toh haven't any sort of regerts in their relationship. But, not only do we see their individual developments, we also see their relationships develop. NueaToh for example, started out more as Toh being head over heels for Nuea and worshipping him like a god. He even gave him "Red" as a nickname because red is considered holy and auspicious. It is also because of this that Toh can not bring himself to talk about his flaws with Nuea as he's afriad that'll cause them to break up. As the relationship goes on, Toh opens up to Nuea. The turning point is when Nuea discovers Toh's hoarding habits and breaks down realise that even though Toh loves him very much, he's just waiting for their relationship to end because he doesn't understand how someone like him can be with someone like Nuea who is a god to him. This made Toh realise that while Nuea's amazing, he's also a human being with emotions and feelings. It made Toh understand that even though Nuea has been the one to reasure him about the relationship this whole time, Nuea might also be feeling insecure about himself. He now knows he's not the only one that could get hurt by this relationship and Nuea is just as vulnerable as he is.

We also see Sky change from this teasing playboy to someone who's seriously in love. He's open with his feelings, considerate, kind, patient and tries his best to understand Jao. He cheers Jao up, give him more self esteem and confidence and listens to his concerns and insecurities. He went from a player to the best boyfriend anyone could've asked for. We also see Jao's journey as he goes from being insecure about his body and doubting whether anyone could actually love him to accepting his flaws and eventually Sky's love too. From trying to drown himself in the ocean to accepting people can love him despite his flaws is a huge improvement.

We see Daisy struggle with her gender identity as she gets feelings for Touch. This shows us that despite the happy, easy going image Daisy has, she also has her own struggles and worries. She worries about how her being transgender might affect the people around her. She's worried about how others might think of people she love because of her. She even tries to change herself and become "Day". We learn about the struggles that come with being trans and dating as a transgender person. I also really liked that all of her friends, especially Som, was extremely supportive of her. Som also made sure that Daisy changing herself into "Day" was something she wanted to do, not something she did for other people. And that if that was really what she wants, she is always ready to support Daisy. Som and Daisy are usually the ones that are always happy, so I'm glad the show showed a new side to them.

Seven, The series doesn't have any problems concerning sex or consent. There's almost no action when one of them is drunk, asleep or drugged. Even kisses are consented by both sides and done mostly sober. I think the only time they kissed when one of them was drunk was in epsiode 7. Toh asked Nuea to keep his promise and even admitting to drinking the alcohol just because Nuea had told him drunken kisses are better. He insisted but he was still a little bit drunk (he remember what he talked about with Nuea though) so I guess it doesn't really count as him giving Nuea consent. Even in epsiode 9, Nuea didn't do anything sexual to him other than giving him a bath until Toh was awake and sober enough to talk and understanding his surroundings (Toh was apperently pretending to be drunk but Nuea didn't know that so it was nice to see he didn't do anything despite them already being offical and Toh being a clingy "drunk"). They also talk about safe sex and seem to always use protection while doing it. So big props to the writer and the director.

However, the story does makes me cringe a lot and there have been times where I just couldn't take the secondhand embrassment. I also dislike that while they acknowledge that Toh has a problem, they haven't done anything to help with it like taking him to a professional. Even in epsiode 8 where Nuea tells Toh he knows about the photo collection and that he knows Toh has been following him around taking pictures, it is evenually seen as a romantic gesture made from a supposely one sided crush. In epsiode 13 where Toh's hoarding problem gets exposed, instead of Nuea talking about how problemic this is, the shows says that it only happened because Toh was so insecured in the relationship that he wanted to keep things as memories for when they eventually break up. But I do give it credit. Despite it not doing much about Toh's stalker and hoarding tendencies, we do see that the series does have realistic solutions for his hoarding problem. Toh is also willing to listen to his friends and change. However his stalker and hoarding tendencies do need to be addressed and shown very clearly as a bad habit.

I really like the series and there have been so many things to praise it on, but in the end Toh is the main character and I really dislike that they somewhat ended up brushing off his problems. What I had hoped for is that they either get Toh some help or show Toh's character development regarding that problem. 8.5/10

Acting/Cast : Billy did a great job as Nuea. He was able to express Nuea in his own way. The most memorable of course are the kissing scenes. We can all see how hard he and Seng worked at those. I'm glad we saw an realistic portayal of how actual kisses would be like (the panting and moaning from both members is just chef's kiss). Both parties where whimpering, moaning and panting which not only show us how pleasureable the kiss was, it is also an accuate portayal of how someone would react kissing their long time crush in a heated kiss. This was unlike other BLs series where these sounds are either edited out or covered by music. Thank you for showing how a heated kiss is like in real life. Seng also did an amazing job as Toh. He was exactly like how I imagine Toh would be like. He had me convinced he was Toh. I don't think anyone else could have replaced him. The rest of the cast was also very good but I think personally, I liked Opp and Nut's chemistry the best. They worked really well together and I was rooting for them hard. I hope to see them in more scenes and BLs. 10/10

Music : The music was amazing. I really liked the opening music and I played it so much while waiting for the next epsiodes to drop. It was the perfect music for the series. The moment that song played, I knew exactly what it was for. Which in my book is high marks considering how bad my memory normally is. Other than the OST, the other music pieces used were also good. The timings were right and the editor did a great job puting them in. It was nice. 10/10

Rewatch Value : Honestly, I would not rewatch it. At least not everything from the start to end. I might rewatch certain parts I really like but the embrassment and cringe is too much for me to want to watch the whole thing again. 8.5/10

Overall : 9.5/10

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