I am so sorry that you feel this way. I know that his death was shocking and extremely upsetting. I, too, am upset about it, but I hope that you don't continue to let it make you think of committing such an act. That is not what he wanted at all.
In my opinion, I think we all need to focus on his message, the words he lierally died to convey, which is to confront the stigma of depression and how depressed people are treated by society and even the doctors who are supposed to be helping them. He did not want others to end up like him, so you must understand that. I know I have no idea what he was really thinking, but that is how I undetstood his suicide note, which he very explicitly wanted to be made public. He wanted everyone to know that idols are also human beings and also have flaws. It was not his being insecure about his talent. It was about him being insecure in the world. At least, that is what it sounded like to me.
Anyway. I don't know if these are the words you want to hear, but this is what I have been telling everyone. Because I think this is what he trying to say, but no one was listening.
