Episode 6 feedback from an autistic

1. Young Woo throwing back the argument of the Judge back at him.

Yeah, why not? It's logical. What's wrong with it? But in the neurotypical world, there are 'social rules' to follow and what Young Woo did is not acceptable, it is considered rude and especially disrespectful for a judge who is higher in rank.

But again, autistics think more on the logical side and doesn't understand 'social rules' the way neurotypicals do. For neurotypicals, they understand these 'social rules' naturally, for autistics, we don't. You have to tell us, then you have to explain it logically, then we will add it in our already long list of "Do's and Dont's" that is draining us.

2. Letting Attorney Choi speak first.
Scene: court trial

This one is not easy to generalize so I'll just react if I'm on their shoes.

Even though Young Woo and I are different, I would not be able to take advantage of that opportunity wherein the jury is feeling sympathetic over the witness. My approach and thinking will still be logical which always appear harsh for neurotypicals. It's all about "x + y", especially in an argument (like debates and courtrooms).

3. "Why the long face?" And Young Woo checked her face.

3.a: "Literalism".

This is one thing I've been waiting for them to touch on, "literalism". They could've done this in a lot of ways but they chose something funny. That is good, I applaud them for their choice on how to portray this.

In other shows I've seen, literalism was portrayed on a more serious scenario, either by telling an autistic to "wait here" when in fact the neurotypical girl left him and he did not realize he was dumped. Or, the autistic was confused because s/he can not tell if they should take it literally or not.

EAW chose a more lighthearted way to portray literalism. I like that. However, I hope they touch on it again in a more serious occassion because this is one of the most misunderstood aspect of an autistic and if one is not careful--especially if they already know the person is autistic--it might not turn out well.

For example, if one tells an autistic to "wait here", there are autistics who will wait for as long as they can. They may ask someone to buy food so they can stay there and wait because they were told to "wait here". THEN! When the person who told them to "wait here" sees them, they'll blame the autistic person for being stupid for taking it literally.

3.b: It is not easy for us to understand idiomatic expressions.

Like in this example, "long face", Young Woo did not understand the idiom.

From my own experience, in the Philippine elementary education system (at least back in the 80s), it is part of our curicculum to teach kids about idioms. So I understand many of the basic and common idiomatic expressions, like "fall in line" (which is used a lot in schools).

There are also idioms that makes sense so even if it is new to me, I can deduce some meaning to it and react accordingly. But there are idiomatic expressions I have to ask about or research to understand what it means, some examples are:

- break a leg -- for the longest time, I never understood this. If used in a context, I understood it as "go change things" or "go prove to them you are right". But what it actually means, and I found this out only today, is "good luck".

- easy does it -- what it means to me is "easy, right?" Just today, I found out it means "slow down".

- give the benefit of the doubt -- what it means to me is literally that, give a person a benefit of the doubt. Meaning, give them an opportunity maybe they are right or they are telling the truth. Give them a chance. But I learned today, it means to "trust what someone says". That's way over my head. "Trust" is such a huge word. The idiom "give the benefit of the doubt" does not fit "trust" in any way as far as I'm concerned. I'm just giving you a chance.

- "a perfect storm" -- is as literal as it gets. I have no idea this is used as an idiom until today which means "the worst scenario".

Because I also love to read fiction novels, I had the chance to get exposed to these idiomatic expressions and many other nuances of the English language. Whenever I encountered something I don't understand, I keep re-reading the sentence or the paragraph for the context, deduce some meaning, then I go check a dictionary or thesaurus to confirm if I understood it correctly; today, I just go online and search for it to confirm.

Here is another example: In the UK, their greeting is "how do you do" and you reply with "how do you do". For an autistic, the reaction (verbally or in thought) is "how do I do what?" This was portrayed in the film "A Brilliant Young Mind" (a.k.a. "X + Y").

Such expressions are confusing. My reaction is the same and it took me a long time to get used to it. Still, there are other expressions that I have to pause because I have to figure out what it means.

My personal pet peeve is this: apologizing when someone mentions a relative or friend of theirs passed away. I will never understand this 'social rule'. It simply does not make sense especially if the person who passed away was years ago. But it is a 'social rule' so it is in my checklist.

This is why it is draining for us, we have to keep a list in our mind of 'social rules' and react accordingly when encountered, otherwise people will whisper "rude", "what's wrong with him/her", etc. For me, the more appropriate reaction is either silence or tapping them on their back or ask them "are you okay" but apparently those are rude.

It's similar with "condolence" and "sorry for your loss". I just say "thank you" if they're telling it to me. I just say "condolence" if someone I know is greiving. Does it mean I am not sincere? Not at all. It just does not make any sense but since it is a 'social rule' …

However, since I've been watching K-dramas and recently there were a lot of mourning scenes, I think I found what that I can appreciate and agree with: the Korean way of mourning. I have not fully looked into it but the Korean way makes far more sense than "condolence" or "sorry for your loss". You visit them, pay your respects, if you are relative or very close you do 2.5 bows. If a colleague, you do a head bow. Then you eat the food they offer not because it is part of the "ritual" but because it is part of paying your respects. It is like the last meal you'll share together.

That makes far more sense to me.

4. Young Woo: "I don't like department stores"

Reasons:

• Too crowded -- it is draining for us.
• Too much noise -- same thing, draining.
• Confusing -- this one is hard to explain but I've seen other autistics use this as an explanation why they avoid malls and department stores.
  • For me, since reading maps is my first fascination, I learned to orient myself and creating personal landmarks. I also learned to visualize an area from a top view, it may not be exact but I can see the layout. I am __not__ saying I don't get lost, there was one time that I did and to this day I still can't figure out what happened that night. (And I was with friends not familiar with the area.)
• Too many things to 'fix' -- me, I just learned to distract myself, and I tell myself I don't get paid to make things perfect.
• Unfamiliar - she did not grow up visiting such places so she has not found a routine and ways to cope with everything that is happening in such places. If a place is unfamiliar, we can get overwhelmed. This is one reason why many, not all, autistics are afraid to travel alone. We can but first need to prepare for it. To find order to things. To have a checklist in our mind. We go through with it again and again. In my case, I check online maps, familiarize myself with the town or city's layout, where the police stations are, the malls, foods, and so on.
  • When I visit an unfamiliar establishment like malls or hotels, I pay attention to fire exits, where the doors are, staircases, except the restrooms (you can just ask for that one without anyone calling you weird (I once asked where the fire exits are and I got looks and laughter from people around me, so I stopped asking about it)).
• "No touching" policy, she more sensitive to it than usual because she's already trying to calm herself and it's only adding more pressure

5. Young Woo's suspected mother may be in the spectrum too.
Scene: she fixed the shoe display

It looks like they are going to touch on the most common understanding that autism is genetics and can be passed on.

Besides that, this is also interesting. If her [suspected] mother is in the spectrum too, so far it appears that her mother is masking her autism so well like autistic women in real life.

6. Romance

It is good that they are not pushing it. I think the message here is that it should be taken slowly to let an autistic find his/her way to it and make them comfortable. If it is rushed, the tendency is to take flight.

Autistic women are the best ones to explain this.

Again, I do not speak for the autistic community. I am only trying to explain things, mainly coming from my own experience, and the experience of other autistics who shared their stories and complaints.

No two autistics are the same; and autism is four-dimensional.

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Thank you for your article. This is really refreshing to learn.

It’s still possible for her mother to be autistic. There are autistic mothers too in reality.

Just to add to my original post and previous reply.

Here is a good example of a psych professional with an ancient knowledge of autism: https://twitter.com/giraffe_a_dil/status/1547843290522783744 

Just because the person brushed her hair and was married once, the psych evaluated she "can't be autistic" … just like that.

Two important things in this example:

1. In relation to my OP on self-diagnosis: this is why in the autistic community, majority are not against it instead it is welcomed. There just is not enough updated psych professionals specializing in autism.
2. In relation to my previous reply: an autistic woman seeking official diagnosis was shutdown simply because she brushed her hair and was married once.

There are a lot of undetected, undiagnosed, misdiagnosed, missed diagnosed, and self-diagnosed autistics out there. It is much higher in women.

 Dramaaddictneedshelp:

Here is another example: In the UK, their greeting is "how do you do" and you reply with "how do you do".  

I'm in the UK and no, not really (generally speaking). 'Hi', 'How are you?' and 'Hello' are more common,

'How do you do?' comes across as very middle-class, formal and rather antiquated manner of speaking (IMO). 

Ahh, good to know that. Thank you for the update!

 IM YourOnlyOne:

Ahh, good to know that. Thank you for the update!

That's fine and you're welcome! ?

 Dramaaddictneedshelp:

Here is another example: In the UK, their greeting is "how do you do" and you reply with "how do you do".  

I'm in the UK and no, not really (generally speaking). 'Hi', 'How are you?' and 'Hello' are more common,

'How do you do?' comes across as very middle-class, formal and rather antiquated manner of speaking (IMO). 

I'm a neurodivergent Canadian and lived in the UK for a year- while I was working just outside of Birmingham everyone would say 'You alright?' as a way to basically say hey or acknowledge you. But my friend who I traveled with and I thought that people were just being very nice and genuinely asking us if we were alright since we had just started working a new job, so we answered honestly every time. It took a couple of weeks before we realized that they didn't mean it literally, and that the correct answer was in fact closer to 'yeah, you alright?' because they were just saying hey. It was a bit embarrassing but we laughed after figuring it out.

@IMYourOnlyOne I have a question. Is it common for a neurotypical parent or guardian to adapt some of the habits (like fixing things) of his autistic child?