Peridot83
This review may contain spoilers
The most toxic of romances . . .
This drama's addictive qualities, and thrilling action scenes, do not matter, because the main romance is unbelievably toxic and romanticizes the most dangerous of red flags. It's as if the script writers went down the list of 'high risk factors' for murder suicide relationships :
1) Suicide threats and knives: Xie Wie takes a knife puts it into Ning'er-'s hand and invites her to stab him. This you, or I , or both of us attitude where the abuser takes a knife and points it at the other person, then at themselves, then starts screaming 'fine just do it, kill me, kill us' is usually the last step before the end. The show portrays this as showing intense love instead of an intense nihilism.
2) Strangulation and grabbing by the throat: Xie Wie repeatedly grabs Ning'er by the throat in order to force her to do something she doesn't want to do - including grabbing her by the throat and then kissing her. Strangulation and choking threats are huge red flags, mainly because it is a very vulnerable area to attack and often leads to brain injury. Strangulation/choking/non consensual breath play to initiate or coerce sex is often a sign of the same intense nihilism.
3) Drug use: Xie Wie has been using a highly damaging performance enhancing drug to make up for health issues stemming from his trauma. His friends have been trying to get him to stop, but they and Xie Wie insist that only Ning'er's love can and will get him to stop. Usually drug addiction/misuse cannot be 'solved' through a romance, and this belief causes many people to stay in toxic relationships enabled by the drug users family and friends who want someone else to bear the responsibility.
4) Untreated mental health: Xie Wie has episodes of extreme violence and paranoia due to past trauma. Ning'er and other innocent people are exposed to this dangerous behaviour repeatedly. Yet, there is no explanation on how this could be miraculously cured.
5) Romeo and Juliet sense of 'no one understands us': Xie Wie repeatedly claims to Ning'er that only they can understand each other - no one else can. That they are both meant to be forged through trauma and hardship, willing to go to lengths that other people cannot understand. Xie Wie repeatedly snears at Ning'er s love for Zhang Zhe - claiming that he's too simplistic and good for one such as her.
6) Obsessed with revenge, excellent at power games, petty to a fault: If Xie Wie only had this capacity of revenge for political wrongs, this wouldn't be such a red flag, but Xie Wie also shows a pettiness and jealousy towards the other family and friends in Ning'er's life and an inappropriate level of condescension towards Ning'er 's father.
7) Power imbalance in the relationship: Xie Wie is Ning'er's teacher and mentor at various points, and Ning'er s father and others treat him as one generation senior to Ning'er. Xie Wie often orders Ning'er around whether or not she is 'officially' his teacher at various points. Ning'er for various reasons begs him or kneels to him about various things throughout the show, but Xie Wie never puts himself in the humble position. Even when he's backed into a corner, he dramatically and violently seizes the power back.
There's probably a lot more. This is all to say in this modern age, there's no reason to teach people that these red flags are evidence of intense love - they are not. If you ever encounter anyone like this in real life - beware. That intensity is often simply a stalker like obsession and a strong desire for power and control over you.
It's one thing to portray a toxic individual who is NOT toxic towards the main love interest and is inspired by her to change (as unrealistic and problematic as that storyline is), but it's a whole 'nother thing to be directly harmful and toxic towards the main love interest.
This drama's addictive qualities, and thrilling action scenes, do not matter, because the main romance is unbelievably toxic and romanticizes the most dangerous of red flags. It's as if the script writers went down the list of 'high risk factors' for murder suicide relationships :
1) Suicide threats and knives: Xie Wie takes a knife puts it into Ning'er-'s hand and invites her to stab him. This you, or I , or both of us attitude where the abuser takes a knife and points it at the other person, then at themselves, then starts screaming 'fine just do it, kill me, kill us' is usually the last step before the end. The show portrays this as showing intense love instead of an intense nihilism.
2) Strangulation and grabbing by the throat: Xie Wie repeatedly grabs Ning'er by the throat in order to force her to do something she doesn't want to do - including grabbing her by the throat and then kissing her. Strangulation and choking threats are huge red flags, mainly because it is a very vulnerable area to attack and often leads to brain injury. Strangulation/choking/non consensual breath play to initiate or coerce sex is often a sign of the same intense nihilism.
3) Drug use: Xie Wie has been using a highly damaging performance enhancing drug to make up for health issues stemming from his trauma. His friends have been trying to get him to stop, but they and Xie Wie insist that only Ning'er's love can and will get him to stop. Usually drug addiction/misuse cannot be 'solved' through a romance, and this belief causes many people to stay in toxic relationships enabled by the drug users family and friends who want someone else to bear the responsibility.
4) Untreated mental health: Xie Wie has episodes of extreme violence and paranoia due to past trauma. Ning'er and other innocent people are exposed to this dangerous behaviour repeatedly. Yet, there is no explanation on how this could be miraculously cured.
5) Romeo and Juliet sense of 'no one understands us': Xie Wie repeatedly claims to Ning'er that only they can understand each other - no one else can. That they are both meant to be forged through trauma and hardship, willing to go to lengths that other people cannot understand. Xie Wie repeatedly snears at Ning'er s love for Zhang Zhe - claiming that he's too simplistic and good for one such as her.
6) Obsessed with revenge, excellent at power games, petty to a fault: If Xie Wie only had this capacity of revenge for political wrongs, this wouldn't be such a red flag, but Xie Wie also shows a pettiness and jealousy towards the other family and friends in Ning'er's life and an inappropriate level of condescension towards Ning'er 's father.
7) Power imbalance in the relationship: Xie Wie is Ning'er's teacher and mentor at various points, and Ning'er s father and others treat him as one generation senior to Ning'er. Xie Wie often orders Ning'er around whether or not she is 'officially' his teacher at various points. Ning'er for various reasons begs him or kneels to him about various things throughout the show, but Xie Wie never puts himself in the humble position. Even when he's backed into a corner, he dramatically and violently seizes the power back.
There's probably a lot more. This is all to say in this modern age, there's no reason to teach people that these red flags are evidence of intense love - they are not. If you ever encounter anyone like this in real life - beware. That intensity is often simply a stalker like obsession and a strong desire for power and control over you.
It's one thing to portray a toxic individual who is NOT toxic towards the main love interest and is inspired by her to change (as unrealistic and problematic as that storyline is), but it's a whole 'nother thing to be directly harmful and toxic towards the main love interest.
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