A love story where life is more celebrated than love

Have you ever seen an infected wound? If we leave the wounds untreated, sometimes out of ignorance, sometimes out of fear, the wounds if severe enough can get infected. Now it smells. You will have the urge to leave it as it is as now it's hideous. When the pain gets too unbearable, we try to cure it and even if we cure it, it leaves a nasty scar. Some wounds are just too deep to cure on our own. It's where our hands can reach. Qian is carrying the heavy load alone throughout his life and he gets used to the weight. When Yuan wants to share his load, he loses balance. The only thing Yuan ever wanted was to support Qian, so it enrages him that Qian never shares his burden with him. It's not a review just my thoughts on the series.

It's harder to relate if you are not from a broken family like Wei Yuan and Wei Qian. The fight and flight response doesn't go away once you become an adult. Wei Qian learns to survive but no one ever teaches him how to live his life. Wei Qian is scared of becoming like his mother. He feels physically ill thinking about his mother. He feels somehow inside him somewhere his mother had imprinted her shadow and one day he will be consumed by it. He closed the curtains to let the darkness conceal the shadow.

"Don't be afraid of the cracks that's where the light comes in." Yuan came as a crack in his closed walls. He shook Qian's moral ground. For Yuan, Qian is his whole world which is not normal in any sense but nothing has ever been normal in their life anyway. Convention is something many people can't afford. I know  where Qian's Dilemma was coming from. I would have been disappointed if he never resisted. The 5 year gap seemed like a too long gap. But the distance was necessary for this dynamic. Yuan never has friends. He always worshipped the land Qian stood on. He would protect Qian at any cost. It's hard to tell if it's just simple gratification turned into infatuation or actual 'love'. And here comes Qian's Dilemma he knows if he commits he can't go back. For Yuan, love is as simple as wanting to stay by Qian's side forever, taking care of him. For Qian, it's complicated. He has been a brother to him, for times he has been a provider for him. After the gap, even though they have history, their relationship gets a fresh start.

"Don't you love Wei Yuan or don't you dare?" There's a term in philosophy called "Porcupine's dilemma". Porcupine is a rodent with sharp spines. In cold days, porcupines want to get closer as it's craving the warmth but whenever they get closed the sharp spines pricks them. Deep down Qian is afraid that he will hurt Yuan if they get closer but after all these years he understood that it's equally hard for him to stay away from Yuan. Qian all these years couldn't comprehend his feelings for Yuan. He still doesn't understand. So he gave up. He allowed himself to be happy without the veil of conventionality.

The story about unconventional love is very tricky. If it's not handled well, it can be downright disturbing. But here we get the psyche of each character and we root for them. Once upon a time I would stumble upon a book that will make me angry at myself that I don't know the language. The translation is bad yet it has kept me captivated so it's the proof of its supreme plot. It's a love story where life is more celebrated than love. I love this kind of story. It makes the love that much epic.

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