just let that sentence sink in for a moment...

"is your love bigger than the love i give? tell me, what's the difference between your love and mine?" no sentence has ever made me feel more than this sentence did. i am an avid reader, i've read more than 300 different books since 2020. on top of that, i usually go for whatever will break me the most - and yet i've never been more impacted by a sentence than this one. i think that says a lot, about this movie (or perhaps about me).

i watched 'your name engraved herein' for the first time, the day it was released - i had been sitting waiting for it to show up on netflix, and i was not disappointed when it came - quite the opposite actually. i watched it three times within the first week, just because i loved it to a point, where i wanted to make sure that i had seen it all. i think i've watched it 5 times since then (probably more), and i still find something new to unravel every time.

i can't tell you just why this movie means everything to me, but perhaps, it's because i see parts of myself in it.

i showed the movie to my best friends just a few days after it came out, on new year's eve - and i was bummed to say the least, when the only scene they found interesting was the shower scene one .-. i think it saddened me how they missed the whole point of the movie. they saw it as something light, something that's easy to forget (which i don't blame them for), i just wish they had looked more into the depth, and realized that this movie isn't just about two boys getting together, it's about the struggles of humans, finding your identity - and being free to express the said identity. it's about religion - and the question of who's right when humanity and your beliefs collide.

also, the way my heart broke every single time jiahan had a scene with the priest - the way jiahan was so DESPERATE for birdy to accept him back - not because of the physical intimacy, but simply just because he loved him to pieces. especially the way he was just so desperate, and longed so much to be accepted, to feel normal that he literally said " help me go to hell, i'd rather go to hell now - don't all homosexuals deserve to go hell? maybe more people would UNDERSTAND me in hell." how heartbroken does one have to be, to wish hell upon themselves? how heartbroken does one have to be for a RELIGIOUS person to prefer going to hell? because that way, there might a slightly bigger chance of acceptance?

i cried as i wrote this, i don't think i'll ever be able to leave this movie behind.

thank you, if you read to this point - i hope you enjoy/enjoyed the movie <3