how am i supposed to live, laugh, love in these conditions?

I went into this show knowing of the intense controversy surrounding it, but my rule of thumb is that the more controversial a show is, the more I want to watch it. All press is good press, as they say. It is not for me to say whether the show should have used the ’87 elections as a backdrop to the show, so instead I will speak on everything else in the show, what I liked, what I hated, what I loved and what I rolled my eyes at.

Overviewing opinion of the show:

I LOVE good star-crossed enemies to lovers and this show certainly delivered and they did not water it down. Love borne from ignorance and innocence that becomes corrupted by beliefs and ideology but eventually overcomes these difficulties, the show really tugged at my heartstrings with how beautiful and poignant it is.

There were points that lagged and lacked, points I rolled my eyes and skipped forward (looking at you, three wives of those three idiots) and the show did suffer from bad pacing when you spend like, what? 5/6 whole episodes trapped in the one place with the same thing happening time and time again? But even then, it’s a ticking time bomb – this pace is like a frog in water that is being brought to a boil. You don’t even notice what’s happening until it’s too late and everything has come down around you and the show explodes into action. Everything is falling into place and you can’t even breathe as you feel the helplessness and frustration of the people trapped inside of the University – who to trust? Who to turn to? Who is an ally and who is an enemy? These frustrations peak and the deteriorating situation literally leaves you having to watch the next episode after the last left you with bated breath because you don’t know what’s going to happen, who’s going to turn and who is going to betray.

The love story of the show is its backbone, its main star and attraction.

Yeong-ro is young and innocent and you watch her fall in love, just as helpless as the viewer. And then when the truth explodes, you can feel her anger and hurt and how betrayed she feels: betrayal for being lied to, betrayed by her own feelings that make it impossible to truly hate Soo-ho. She pulls back as Soo-ho reaches for her because she’s not some hapless teen in love: she’s smart, intuitive, she’s allowed to feel all those feelings of hurt and anger towards him before they lull and teeter off into forgiveness. You can even feel her being partly disgusted for having had those feelings, and partly disgusted for still having them.

Soo-ho, on the other hand, is less than innocent and he looks at Yeong-ro like she’s the only source of warmth in the cold light of his life that has been cast since he was a child. He knows he cannot love her, he knows he should not love her but he DOES. Even when he tries not to, it’s so painfully obvious he does and he’s caught between the rock and hard place of his love for her and his loyalty to his sister and country. He’s pulled in every single direction and spread too thin because no matter what he does, he knows someone is going to get hurt. Perhaps it was fate, perhaps it was destiny, perhaps it was life’s cruel joke to have him find a love and to be loved but cannot be, but he does and while the world is deadset on killing him and Yeong-ro, the two fall into this peaceful inbetween of taking the little time that they have together and seizing it with their hands.

ACTORS AND THEIR CHARACTERS:

I had no idea that it was BLACKPINK’s Jisoo as the main female lead as I’m not a BLACKPINK fan but I remember scratching my head for the first episode because I KNEW I had seen her somewhere and imagine my surprise! I’ve seen a lot of hate towards Jisoo’s acting, and I think a LOT of it is unfounded. For a first major lead as a rookie actress, Jisoo really holds her own against more seasoned actors and puts so much heart and emotion into Yeong-ro. Yeong-ro is young, she’s innocent without being naïve, unknowing without being ignorant – she’s truly a kind soul and a young woman on the cusp of being an adult in the real world and she still has this innocence about her that makes you want to protect her. And you can tell there’s something wanting in her – with a dead mother, a brother on the front lines and an apathetic, absent father, there’s a void inside of her that seems like it can never be filled in. Jisoo’s acting, my God, the girl can ACT and I know for a fact she can get even better with time. I loved seeing her onscreen and she really held her own against Jung Hae-in, especially when the truth comes out and you can feel how she is reeling with betrayal, hurt and how she wants to hate him but CAN’T. I did feel like the chemistry did dissipate slightly towards the end of the series before it was reignited again, but I suppose that is partially due to the fact that Soo-ho really becomes the main character from episode 10 onwards and the storyline shifts almost entirely away from the romance before dragging it back to the love story. Her characterisation flipflops a bit and there are times she does feel like only a plot device for Soo-ho's own character growth because Yeong-ro does not change as a person; suffering through tragedy and trauma is not character growth, not when she's left in the ruins alone after the fact. I liked Jisoo's acting and I know she has great potential for the future and I very much look forward to any future projects Jisoo has in store!

Hae-in, oh boy, lord hath mercy – the man is a powerhouse of talent. I haven’t seen anything that he has been in before, though I do know the titles and have seen clips but this is the first show that I have sat down and watched all the way through and I need to remedy my earlier mistake of not seeing anything he’s been in. Hae-in creates a Soo-ho that is the epitome of a victim of his circumstances. He could not choose where he was born, he could not choose his parents, he could not choose his life, he could not choose his path, his job, his future. He’s like a leaf atop of a streaming river, carried by its current until the end. And prior to Yeong-ro, he lets himself be carried without fighting against the tide, then she manages to take a hold of his soul and heart and pull him back from drowning. You can feel the conflict alongside Soo-ho, the conflict of what he wants and what he needs to do, duty and love tearing him apart. He tries so desperately to reclaim the person he was but it’s too late – the love that he has for Yeong-ro has fundamentally changed him as a human being. You can see him trying to disconnect from his feelings for her during the hostage situation but he’s tied to his emotions and to her whether he likes it or not. He’s desperate and lost because this is the first time he’s ever made a choice for himself and Hae-in is amazing at portraying this, at Soo-ho’s constant internal battle. Just like Yeong-ro, there’s a void inside of him that is shaped like her and only together do they really make each other whole.

The rest of the cast are sublime, Jang Seung-jo as Kang-moo is amazing. He’s desperate and calculating, passionate, pragmatic, and vengeful. You look at him and you know he’s a ticking time bomb, but you never know when he’s going to go off. Jung Yoo-jin was less than stellar, but she does portray Han-na as being exactly the opposite to Kang-moo: she’s a bomb whose fuse goes off time and time again. I did get annoyed with her multiple times throughout the show but I can’t say I hate her. Yoon In-na, unfortunately, did not stand out to me but I suppose it’s just because of how her character is written: cold and detached, pragmatic beyond belief and cold. There is one instance that I did love was her seeing the broken minded Ms. Oh and you can see it in her eyes that she finally realises the future that awaits her: abandoned by the country she served and left to suffer the memories of all the atrocities she committed until it breaks her.

Kim Hye-yoon, woooo boy she did a great job of making me both hate Gye Bun-ok and pitying her. Because on one hand, Gye Bun-ok has every right to be the way she is and you can understand why she doesn’t want to join in on the scheme that is brewing in the university. She has first hand experience of what happens to those who turn against the government and to communism, and the consequences they face as she still suffers the consequences that her old sister made because of that. She’s a pitiful character that I don’t think I can say I even hate her, even though she really annoyed me. She is constantly bullied and looked down upon by the college girls and has been abused by her parents all her life, even while acting as the sole breadwinner. She has every right to not feel loyal to the people who mocked and bullied her constantly, who saw her as nothing more than an infection to the rest of the student body. But, man, you see her act out time and time again even knowing why she’s doing what she’s doing but you just want to wring her neck out. Also, what the hell was that weird thing that was implied going on between her and Gyeok-chan? It really grabbed my attention and was quite disappointed it didn't really go anywhere.

There aren’t many other characters that stood out to me but I will say this: I HAAATTTEEEDDD the storyline of the three wives, like I mean HATED. I did not watch a single scene of them without skipping forward because of how boring they were. I only enjoyed it when they were getting their comeuppance but other than that, nothing positive can be said about these characters whose names I didn’t even bother to remember.

Other comments:
- The music and cinematography of the show were [chefs kiss]. Honestly outstanding and out of this world, a treat to the eyes and a feast that kept on giving. The show was honestly just so beautiful to watch, if I didn’t even like the show I would have kept on watching because it was such a beautiful show to watch.
- Once again, the pacing really hindered the show from reaching full potential as the same things kept happening more than once as well as the fact they stretched out the hostage situation a bit longer than I would have liked. I also would have liked if they kept up the storyline of the girls hiding Soo-ho in the dorm a bit longer.
- Even knowing the politics of the 1987 elections, I do think the show didn’t really go into the nitty gritty of it too much. I partially agree with some of the backlash being towards the show’s narrative of having ANSP agents being the ones trying to end the corruption within the election, but at the same time, I don’t think the show tries to say, “this is the truth and only the truth of what happened”.
- Not enough weird 80s fashion, disappointing.
- Now I know that I said I didn’t like how the hostage situation dragged on longer than it needed, but I liked the fact it made the show feel claustrophobic, as if you’re trapped in the university alongside the bulk of the cast. I felt as trapped as the students and staff did, only able to watch what was happening and not being able to go anywhere or do anything. It really added to the whole atmosphere and made everything feel much more tense.
- I’m going to admit it: there were times that I did wish Soo-ho followed through with his threats during the hostage situation simply because I wanted something to happen. But perhaps, on the flipside, it added more tension for me because I was there, waiting with bated breath wondering if he’ll actually follow through and kill a student as he threatened he would.
- I honestly feel disappointed at people who are hating on Jisoo’s acting because I thought she was sublime, especially considering the fact this is her first major role, I believe. Though I admit there are times I did feel like she was lacking a bit and Hae-in had to carry the bulk of the chemistry between the two – her interactions with Soo-ho towards the last few episodes felt lacklustre especially with the lack of reciprocation towards Soo-ho’s displays of affection, but I’m also empathetic towards the fact romance probably isn’t on the forefront of her mind what with everything going on in her personal life and the situation at hand. I see people getting annoyed over the fact that Yeong-ro felt betrayed and hurt towards Soo-ho as if he didn’t just take all her friends captive and use her as a human shield? As if he didn’t lie to her and put her in this situation? Like, Yeong-ro’s reaction and behaviour is extremely believable and human. Why should she trust Soo-ho after he lied and did what he did, acted how he acted and said what he said? And Jisoo was amazing at portraying this hurt and anger beautifully because you can see the innocence in Yeong-ro leave her, that she’s forced to face the consequences of being young and being in love and realising that all really isn’t fair in love and war.

Conclusion:

This show is not for people who like action packed, constant romance, fast paced, good guys v bad guys and characters who are more than three dimensional. You will feel fatigue watching it, but then it’s the end of an episode and you NEED to know what happens next. It’s a slow burn, an ember burning before it explodes into a fire. I will definitely be adding this to my very small list of shows I rewatch.

Final thoughts:
I wrote the bulk of this review when I was still waiting for episodes 15 and 16 to drop and much of it remains the same, but I am going to retract my last sentence in the conclusion. I do not think I will be able to mentally handle watching this show more than once. The tragedy and even the unfairness of this show remains consistent. I opened the review by saying this show was beautiful and poignant, but I forgot to say how tragic it is. I probably spent an entire hour sobbing hysterically after the finale to the point I thought my eyes were going to pop out of my head.

To say I wanted everyone to live happily ever after would be a lie, but I wanted them to simply live a life they can be content with. No spoilers, but I think the tragedy of this show lies in the fact that some people will always be victims – victims to the government, victim to their regrets, their mistakes, to the corrupt people in power, and even to their own feelings. There is no spoonful of sugar to wash down the bitterness in this show. It is raw and burns you and I cannot remember the last time a show has managed to pull this depth of emotions from me before. The ending is unsatisfactory, it leaves you empty and numb and you wonder: "What was it all for? What's the point if this is what the end is?". There are so many unanswered questions, so many loose ends left to dangle untied and even when those who deserved their comeuppance, it's superficial, like sand in your stomach because it fills you up but you're still empty otherwise.

You feel a sense of helplessness and hopelessness and it hurts, by God does it hurt watching that finale. And part of me hates the show for it, and I was adamant that if I didn’t get a bittersweet ending this show was going to get a bad score from me but I can’t, I can’t not when this show has caused such deep, emotional reactions within me.

And you accept what Yeong-ro has come to learn: all is not fair in love and war, not in this life.

And the real tragedy of it all is that you were hoping for much more than what this show was able to deliver, perhaps it's naivety or foolishness, but I wanted, I hoped, I despaired. You watch that final scene and you know in that moment, you are Yeong-ro and you know the life that awaits her, more tragedy paving the path. It leads me to ask: is a life alone, having lost everyone you know and love, any better than dying?

I have a feeling it will be a question haunting Yeong-ro for the rest of her life, forced to carry on when everyone else has been left behind.

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takes a shot for every time a character says “captivated” (promptly dies of alcohol poisoning)

It's no secret that sageuks are undoubtedly my favourite genre; the politics, the court intrigue, the pining, yearning, the… female lead pretending to be a man in the most unconvincing way with the perfect eye makeup?

Slay, I guess.

PREMISE:
Kang Hee-Soo (Shin Se-kyung) is a noble lady dressing as a man in order to play baduk so that she can raise money for Joseon citizens who are kept as captives by the Qing empire so that they may return home. Lee In (Jo Jung-suk) is a prince returned home after being kept as collateral by the Qing empire to his loving brother who is… not exactly in a bro-love mood. Surprise! The King is crazy and needs to get a new nail lady because he’s chewing them to the bone.

Lee In loves baduk. Hee-soo also loves baduk. What more do you need for a stable relationship?

Turns out a lot because before long, their shaky friendship is the start of years long power struggle in the court that could mean the end of them both.

OVERARCHING THOUGHTS:
This drama, while marketed as a romance, focuses a lot more on LI and his struggle as a king to maintain control of his fragile power after sort of stealing his nephew’s birthright as king but for good reason. He weaves an intricate web that is years in the making, as he tries to rise above the corruption of the court.

HS… certainly is there.

While a cross-dressing female lead is nothing new, watching Shin Se-kyung, an undeniably beautiful woman, pretend to be a man and have everyone believe she is a man makes viewing this show an out of body experience. Especially when LI experiences true bisexual panic; if that man had a computer, his entire history would be doing buzzfeed “am i gay” quizzes.

SSK gets a lot of flack for her acting abilities, and I’ve always believed some (KEYWORD: SOME) of it is uncalled for. It’s not that she’s bad at acting - it’s just most of her acting is staring wide eyed and mouth slightly agape at another character with silent tears dripping down her face as her gaze is moving back and forth across the other character’s face. Not bad. Just… not particularly amazing. And when put with a veteran actor such as JJS, it becomes PAINFULLY clear just how lacking her acting abilities are. It definitely felt like JJS was having back pains with how he carried this show, in particular the romance, on his shoulders.

THE PLOT:
The plot is nothing spectacular, or anything new, really. You have your king who is in a power struggle with the corrupt (checks notes) uh, Prime Minister? No, the Primark? No. General of Defence? Principal Director? Honestly, I can’t really recall. Just your typical baddie. You got your extremely beautiful female lead who cannot pass for a man to save her life. You got the second male lead who, for once, actually knows he’s the second lead and is like “yeah, nah, not for me, thanks” and ultimately never really acts on his feelings and eventually overcomes them. Sketchy Queen Dowager who literally NEVER LEAVES HER ROOM AND STAYS SITTING IN THE SAME SPOT FOR ALL OF HER SCENES, the king’s loyal bodyguard, untrustworthy court lady - I honestly don’t remember half of their names because they’re very much the stereotypical archetypes of their genre.

The politicians are corrupt. The King and the main baddie fight a cold war with one another over power. The king wants the politicians to stop being corrupted and the politicians are like “nah”. FL swears revenge against ML for his past actions, ends up realising she was wrong all along and he’s actually the good guy and sides with him in the end. And, for some reason, EVERYONE and their mother wants to play baduk with the FL. Like, jeez, HS is more popular than the only person with a working vape at a party.

And the end? Lazy, rushed, dragged, and, not unlike Dixie D’Amlio’s music career, flopped. Somehow, HS just MANAGED to take the right path to the right spot to the right tree at the right time to find LI sitting there waiting for her with a baduk table ready to play.

Love wins, the bad guys are dead, and all the good guys get to live. Yeah. Honestly, that’s it. Anyways.

THE CHARACTERS:
I will say that LI’s character was the main chunk of keeping interest in this show because of the character’s actor and also the writing; while every other character was kept constrained to the roles this genre demands, LI was allowed to grow and show different sides to himself. He’s not afraid to play dirty. He’s not afraid to threaten and do what is necessary. He stole his nephew’s throne for himself, he lied, murdered, and betrayed, he’s the epitome of a grey character; which is such a breath of fresh air for this genre. JJS is a phenomenal actor and he was the main powerhouse of talent in this show.

Again, HS is… there. She has very little personality, and I am unsure if it’s because of how she was written or if it was how SSK decided to portray her, but either way, there’s very little about her that stands out; she’s good at baduk, she’s smart, and somehow everything she does ever always works out in her favour. Her promised revenge against the king was both badly written and portrayed due to the fact that from the start, it is very clear that whatever she has planned to do will never happen; as a result, there is no tension. It is plain bad writing, there’s no other way to put it. Similar to lunch in a school cafeteria: it was sloppy and very undercooked.

Speaking of tension - again, I have to say that the romance between HS and LI felt… lacking to say the least. By EP3, HS is already in love with him. I suppose it can be equated to a girlish love/crush that any woman would have when in the room with a powerful prince who is both handsome and kind to them. However, there isn’t very much that lends credit to the idea reiterated in the show time and time again that HS and LI are madly, deeply in love with one another - oh, sorry, that they are “captivated” by one another. Especially from LI’s side because there’s very little about HS as a person for him to love other than she plays baduk and is also very beautiful. The intimate scenes are very lacklustre, and reminiscent of old-school kdramas where the FL just stands there awkwardly frozen, eyes wide open as the ML is hugging or kissing them. There’s very little chemistry and the only way we know they’re in love with one another is because they say it. A lot.

Once again, I am unsure if it is because of the fault of the writers who are terrified at the idea of a woman being sexually active/attracted to her LI, or if it was a genuine decision by SSK to play HS as a person who barely meets eye contact with the man she’s supposedly in love with and only shows him a display of affection of her own free will, like, once. Even when she does touch or hug him (after he initiates, ofc), it’s like she’s doing so reluctantly and would literally rather touch wet food in the sink than touch the man she is in love with. In truth, the romance was akin to watching a fish flop about in a shallow puddle trying to breathe: somewhat amusing at first, yes, but eventually unbearable to withstand.

JJS did all of the heavy lifting to make this romance even somewhat believable and watchable (even when his co-star decided the most romantic kiss is to press her lips together, remain completely still with her eyes wide open), but it was painful to watch him giving such good performances to a co-star who was either incapable of matching him or was limited by the extremely bad writing of her character.

As such, the romance is not for those who actually wanted a sageuk with romance because there is no romance. Much like trying to find your vape in a bed: it just disappears in a second the moment you try to search for it.

AND ONE MORE THING:
Again, JJS was amazing in this show; he is the only reason the romance was even interesting to watch and he really did have to carry the bulk of the work into making it believable that he and the female lead were in love. Again, I know SSK gets a lot of flack for her acting, and I don’t know if it was because of the writing or if she was given little to work with, but I just honestly don’t have anything to say about it or her. This was JJS’s drama and everyone else was there for a paycheque.


OTHER THOUGHTS:
- The kid actors did extremely well, and the Queen's storyline was the only part of the show that made me weep like a baby.
- I’m sorry, it was so funny to me that to show the three-year time jump, the show decided that EVERYONE needed to grow a beard.
- The set designs were okay. Nothing shabby, but not exactly extravagant like I’ve seen in other historical dramas. The costume department was the same.
- The big bad guy never really got one up on LI. It was like any time he tried something, LI would turn around be like “AHA! YOU FOOL! I'M 15 STEPS AHEAD OF YOU! I ALREADY KNEW YOU WOULD DO THAT WHEN YOU DIDN’T KNOW YOU'D DO THAT!”
- Can’t say much on the music, nothing stood out to me, if I’m being honest.
- The “night of intimacy” between LI and HS - you're telling me that they did the dirty and then decided to get completely dressed in their bed robes straight after before going back to sleep? Or did they do it completely clothed, under the sheets with no lights on and in complete silence like a Catholic couple unable to withstand the weight of their sins?

This show was a nice way to fill my time. When I was bored, I would watch as much of the show as I could before switching to something else. It certainly isn’t bad by any means, but if you’re expecting to be blown out of the water, perhaps choose something else to watch.

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this just in: zhao lusi hospitalised with severe backpains from carrying the entire cdrama industry

I make it no secret that ZLS is my favourite actress and i always watch every drama that she's in; I find a lot with her dramas she will always be its main saving grace that will make watching anything bearable.

I did not have to worry about that in this case.

PREMISE:
Cheng Shaosheng has grown up without a mother or father - they aren't dead, they just kind of, accidentally, maybe on purpose abandoned her and left her in the care of her abusive aunt and grandmother. Now that her parents are back, her mother is adamant on teaching her daughter how to be a proper lady.

Not exactly easy when you suddenly walk into your daughter's life fifteen years after abandoning her and are like "yeah, i'm gonna be a mother now".

Intricately woven through the story is SS connections to other characters; first is the seemingly cold and meticulous Ling Buyi - a general who has made a name for himself both on and off the battlefield as a fierce warrior and cunning war hero. His morals trump his feelings and often acts on what he believes is right, not what the law or his emperor say. Then Yuan Shanjian - a scholar who is well known in the capital for his brilliance and also his snide personality. His intelligence gives him this lofty air, but also this disconnect from being able to connect with people and his own emotions. Finally, baby boy Lou Yao - gentle, sweet, gullible but kind and genuinely a good person. He isn't stupid by any means, but naive and led by his feelings and his heart in the face of all reason.

While there are many, /many/ storylines in this drama, its main focal point is SS and LBY and their romance, the trials and tribulations that come with it and eventually overcoming all hurdles to be together.

OVERARCHING THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS DRAMA:
As stated in the beginning, I started this drama knowing nothing save for ZLS being in it and that was enough to sell me on it. This drama does have a more "rom-com"-esque feel about it the first ten episodes, but it never fully drops the comedy entirely; there are still funny scenes and I find most of them surround the palace life which is SUCH a breath of fresh air considering palace life is always shown as being dark, cruel and unliveable. Many stories and characters are connected to one another; characters you think are gone are not actually gone and come back, backstories of forgotten encounters, you name it. There wasn't really one constant flow of a main storyline save for the romance, but rather different ones being picked up, carried out and finished with and i am glad that we didn't get a constant storyline dragged out for a total of 56 episodes.

I will state that the show really shone and bumped itself up into a 9 star rating with the last ten episodes; LBY's own storyline, now that i reflect on it, had been peppered in so silently and subtly throughout the show once it was revealed i had to pause and be like "HOW THE HELL DID I MISS THAT OH MY GOD?!". The last ten episodes are honestly the BEST episodes out of the entire drama; that isn't to say the remaining previous ones are bad or boring, they were a delight and i enjoyed them greatly, but episode 46 onwards really just sucks you into the drama in a way that it wasn't able to before.

But what really made the show, was its characters.

THE CHARACTERS:
Cheng Shaosheng is a beautifully tragic yet also someone who has an indomitable human spirit. She's quite innocent and naive to begin with, playful, wilful and has learned to look out for herself since her paternal grandmother and her aunt have been abusive to her since being abandoned by her parents as a baby when they went out to fight their emperor's wars. This is an extremely important part to both the story and to SS character; without having ever felt loved or experienced kindness, SS is incredibly insecure. She chases after love yet is also afraid of it too. She wants it, but is scared that once she has it, she'll be abandoned like how her parents abandoned her. It's not that she believes she doesn't deserve love, it's just she believes she is simply unlucky that love is something that will always be unattainable to her in this life - because if even her own parents could abandon her, how could anyone else decide to stick around?

Because of a lack of any parental love or guidance and a formal education, SS isn't exactly the typical noble lady. She's crass, rude, arrogant, stubborn, informal and acts on her own accord without regard for other people. I don't see these as bad qualities, in fact i would say that these traits are foundations for her own growth and therefore are impossible to hate because she never crosses that line of being detestable or selfish. She's learning her way around this new world that was previously closed off to her and she approaches it like an excited child, but learns as much as there is good in the world, most of it is off limits due to her gender.

One important aspect that is consistently hammered in is that SS has learned to put and love herself first, but she still feels empty; one of the most important things to SS character is her endless desire to gain her mother's approval. I never really understood WHY Yuanyi was so harsh on her daughter; i know it said it was because she wanted her daughter to become a proper lady, but... it just never made sense. Yuanyi is a general's wife and also fought alongside him on the battlefield; if anything, she goes against what a noble lady should be. She continuously shuts down her daughter's desperate attempts to form a bond with her, tears down her self esteem and self worth so much so that SS internalises all of this and it results in her reiterating her mother's cruel and harsh words time and time again every time someone praises her or is kind to her.

That is why I first want to talk about her relationship to Empress Xuan before I talk about any other relationship in the show.

Maybe it's my own personal projection, but I saw a lot of myself in SS throughout the entirety of their relationship. EX is a mother who is not close to her children, be it because of propriety and rules of palace life, or because she recognises that they are cruel and shallow and do not care for their mother as they should. EX suffers with the realisation that she is not truly loved by anyone, though care as they might and her predicament is exactly like SS, which results in honestly the most heart wrenching and beautiful depictions of a mother-daughter relationship I've ever seen.

In EX, SS finds the mother she should have gotten and always deserved; the empress always empathises with SS, she reminds her of her better qualities instead of her worse ones, she's kind and caring, understanding and always quick to help SS with problems she doesn't understand, such as marriage and being filial. You can really see how much SS yearns for EX to be her mother and even despite not being biologically related, EX actually DOES become her mother, just as SS becomes her daughter. For EX, SS is the daughter she always should have had; SS is kind and attentive, she tries to make the empress happy with even the smallest of things, she seeks her wisdom and her advice and cares for her above all others, even LBY. In the midst of everyone scheming and these two women having little control over their fate, they find comfort and love where they never found it before. It's honestly got me emotion writing this because as little time as they got, the fact they got any time at all was a blessing enough.

Personally, my interpretation, is that the rift between Yuanyi and SS never fully heals once YY realises that SS has chosen EX over her and she recognises that another woman has taken her place as SS's mother. SS might now accept her mother's affections as YY might now decide to give them to her, but there's this sense that they will never have that mother and daughter bond that SS always wanted and YY was too late to give.

The importance of family/found family is also shown through LBY and his own arc.

Ling Buyi is presented as this archetypical main male lead character who is feared, cold and calculating but he's never really actually cruel; he has his own ambitions and his own view of what justice is and should be, and he does a lot to achieve this and I never found myself really disagreeing with him or being against his actions because the show took great lengths to get the audience to understand and empathise with him, which I found impossible not to do so. Like SS, LBY is unsure of how to love and be loved, therefore he stumbles a lot when he's pursuing SS; for most of it, he keeps his feelings silent because of missed opportunities that arise that prevent him from telling her his feelings and also would not be beneficial for him to tell her his feelings for her. In my own interpretation, I don't think LBY fully understood the scope of his feelings until a sudden snap realisation; he knew he cared for her, but it wasn't an instant love at first sight for SS, but rather a curiosity that stemmed into caring for her before making way for love.

I want to talk about LBY character first before his relationship with SS; as I stated before, the last ten episodes of the show are honestly the peak of the show. Before episode 46, I wasn't sure how I felt Leo Wu/LBY as a main character; i definitely didn't dislike him by any means. I think he did perfectly with the role that he was given considering LBY characterisation - someone who was suffering with major trauma and PTSD who learned to shut his emotions off from the world and himself, therefore not leaving Leo Wu much to work with outside of the many heart fluttering moments he has w SS during their honeymoon period.

However, once episode 46 hit I honestly can say I was completely and utterly blown away by LBY character arc in a sense that I've not felt since I watched the red wedding in game of thrones.

LBY is a deeply traumatised person who never got the chance to heal and recover and internalised all that he suffered until he met his breaking point. Episode 48 of this show is one of the best pieces of media that I have ever watched and Leo Wu put his entire Wussy into it. You could see every single thought and feeling coursing through LBY - the realisation that he finally achieved all that he wanted, and how empty it felt now that he had it. Watching him break into tears before laughing, switching from completely breaking down to an empty realisation that all that he did meant nothing, brokenly laughing at how many years he wasted and that it didn't fill that void as he thought it would. I remember watching that entire episode completely stunned by the performance given by Leo Wu, showing how LBY was simply an act to cover up the man he truly was - a man who lost everything and now the only thing keeping him going left him more empty than ever before. All his suffering and he received no solace in the end and ended up ruining his own chance at happiness and at a normal life. I literally cannot encapsulate the emotions that ran through me watching that scene of LBY finally confronting his demons, his past and the reason behind it all because there are no words to fathom my thoughts into writing at it all.

From that point on, LBY becomes this ghost of the man he was; you can sense the difference in his demeanour from who he was before and who he became, how empty he is once he realised that vengeance did not put old ghosts to rest and now he has to live the rest of his life with regrets, compared to before where it was only fuelled with rage. He becomes despondent, unattached, a shell who cares not if he lives or dies. It's truly heartbreaking because at the same time you can understand WHY he did it, you can empathise with him while also wondering why he couldn't just move on.

This leads to the problem that I have with SS and LBY relationship.

Before I talk about anything else, I want to talk about my problem with how SS, as much as she says she understands, isn't really capable of it, and it's down to her own trauma that prevents her from doing so. Considering what LBY was forced to go through especially at a young age, a lot of the time it's SS asking him to forget the past and choose the future with her while not understanding the immense amount of suffering and trauma that he has been struggling with since being forced to witness a genocide as a child. This stems from the difference in their traumas: SS begs LBY to let go of the past not because she knows it hurts him, but because she wants him to choose her, to love her, to not abandon her as her parents did, whereas LBY is unable to fulfil that because of the trauma he was forced to undergo and believing that only when he achieves justice that he will be able to give himself to SS wholeheartedly without forcing the burden of his own demons onto her. As much as SS states she does understand, I don't think she truly does because her own trauma makes her incapable of it since she is still stuck in that mindset that if she isn't number one in someone's heart, it means that she is not in their heart at all.

But I truly feel like their relationship was all the better for all that they went through; learning to trust one another and be open with one another, accepting the parts of each other that they believed unacceptable before. SS is terrified that once married, she will lose her identity as her own being and simply become LBY's wife, but he constantly reiterates to her that it will never happen and that he would never want to take away her freedom and her identity. SS constantly tries to make sure LBY understands she will not leave his side (until breaking point but let's ignore that) and she accepts every part of him, going with him to see his mother, comforting him when he feels helpless, defending him when everyone keeps saying he's cold and cruel. LBY fell first and he fell harder, but that doesn't diminish the scope of SS's own feelings - she loves him truly and deeply, to the point she would join him in the afterlife than be without him, but she never lets her love erase her own self of being and identity and LBY never makes her do so. The respect that they have for one another goes beyond what I've seen in other drama couples, and it was slowly built up over time and I have a feeling will last forever.

One other important aspect I want to talk about is the palace life and the relationship between Empress Xuan, Emperor Wen and Consort Yue Fei. Whereas other dramas might pit the two women against one another (the latter is the childhood sweetheart and first wife of the Emperor and the former is his official wife), there's nothing like that in this show. In fact, I honestly have to say all three people were the least toxic characters in the entire show. While EW and YF are childhood sweethearts, they are never cruel or callous the EX; EW is kind and caring to EX, but we know he does not love her in the way she wants, while YF continuously sees EX as a friend and even as a sister. True, EX is an outlier, watching YF and EW be in love and act like teenagers, but they actively never exclude her. They both deeply respect EX and care for her, even if they are unaware that their actions make EX feel alienated.

Also, I just want to say i love Emperor Wen. Like, i think he might be my favourite character. While he does provide the bulk of the comic relief towards the latter half of the show, he's not a comedic character; he sees LBY as his own son, only wants what's best for him and to live a happy and normal life, protecting him as much as he can without making him untouchable, acting as a doting father to LBY without letting LBY walk all over him. we stan Emperor Wen in this household.

There are a lot more characters I could write about such as the other two male love interests, but I don't really have many thoughts on them that are important in this review.

FINAL THOUGHTS:
This show took me the better part of a week to finish and I have no regrets. Everything about this show was simply sublime, the pacing, the romance, everything. I don't know if I will rewatch it simply because I have the attention span of a goldfish and 56 episodes was a LOT to watch for me to begin with, hence why it took me so long to finish (hence the 8.5 rewatch value).

OTHER COMMENTS:
- the cinematography, acting and soundtrack in this show was fantastic and once again I round back to episode 48 which is where this show really, and I mean really, became a masterpiece. That episode is one of the best episodes of any show that I have ever watched. The acting from Leo Wu was PHENOMENAL, I am expecting that man to win a lot of awards for this episode alone. The music score and switching the scenes back from LBY and SS trying on her wedding dress honestly tore my heart into pieces. Even if the show was terrible (which is absolutely wasnt) this episode and the following episodes would have entirely made up for the rest of the show.
- personally, I'm glad they dropped most of the comedic element of the show after the first ten episodes. It was nice to have it peppered in throughout, but not have it constantly.
- The editing and VFX for this show was AMAZING; there are so many beautiful shots in this show that doesn't look cheap and tacky with the use of CGI. It's honestly the best use of CGI and VFX that I've seen any drama, but specifically a cdrama, ever use.
- The production and sets were also so aesthetically beautiful, god everything about this show was BEAUTIFUL to look at.
- episode 48? episode 48.

CONCLUSION:
The cast better invest in massive bags because they're all going to be walking away with all of the awards this season.

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great, even MORE unrealistic expectations for love and men

Let me preface this by saying I am not a person who rewatches a show in its entirety. I watch movies once, I watch TV shows once, and I do not do rewatches.

This show is different. I don't know what they put into this show but it is straight crack and I am an addict.

I have rewatched it a total of five times and each time the show never fails to make me laugh, to make me cry and scream in frustration and smile in happiness. This show is poignant, it's beautiful, it touches the soul and heart and pulls every emotion a person can have forth to the surface where you cannot help but feel them in their entirety. Watching this show feels like I am coming home to a place I never knew existed, being wrapped up in a blanket and comforted by people I never knew who would love me and feeling safe in my corner of the world.

The show is somewhat wacky in its premise; star-crossed lovers across boundaries and cultural divides, death is imminent and the two lovers are reluctant in their relationship - not exactly enemies-to-lovers because they never were enemies despite how they were brought up to believe. North and South, antagonistic towards one another and led to believe they cannot coexist because of how fundamentally different they are from one another. But Se-ri and Jung-hyuk soon realise that there's a thin line between love and hate.

Where to begin, where to end? The show begins as an adventure - get Se-ri home before everyone is found out and subsequently unalived for harbouring a South Korean. Jung-hyuk takes the role of Se-ri's protector and carer because she is extremely out of her depth here but she quickly adapts and learns to the situation at hand because if she doesn't, she'll be discovered and sent to meet her maker. The two clash in the beginning because of their cultural differences: communist vs capitalist, spoilt vs hardworking, but they quickly understand each other.

Se-ri comes across as "spoilt" because of the fact she is so far away from home and is trying to chase after the comforts she's used to because of the fact she's technically in a foreign land and is under immense stress to keep up this charade of being a member of an elite, NK spy team. Jung-hyuk comes across as aloof and stubborn because he's never been in this situation and is trying to remain as pragmatic as possible because he knows the stakes and the consequences if they fail.

But he starts to empathise with Se-ri, begins to realise that he can't exactly separate his empathy from his pragmatism because she's scared and frightened and placing all her trust in him to get her home and it's different to his subordinates relying on him. Se-ri disrupts his life and routine but Jung-hyuk doesn't seem to mind that much and the two learn to learn from each other, to trust and have fun and to laugh and find comfort. With Se-ri growing up with little to no love and a mother who hates her, and Jung-hyuk growing up under a dictatorship and forced to give up his dreams as a result of a dead brother, it's no wonder the two find companionship under one another.

The cast has a wonderful pool of side characters including Jung-hyuk's subordinates (who I affectionately call his ducklings), Jung-hyuk's fiancée, Seo Dan, and Se-ri's old con boyfriend, Seung-jun. Dan's family are even colourful who bring light and laughter to the otherwise serious storyline in the North, and Dan's story doesn't exactly revolve around Jung-hyuk and she begins her own life, with a very unexpectant love interest.

The show portrays the pure love of Se-ri and Jung-hyuk time and time again; you'll find no miscommunication tropes, no lying to save the others life, there is a moment when you think Jung-hyuk is going to go "i don't love you Se-ri it was all a lie" but he backs out almost immediately because he can't bear to keep the act up. There's not a single one dimensional character in this show, they all have different sides to them, different reasons to live and keep on living, they all have a life outside of the main storyline. The show manages to balance the cast and characters expertly, while never really forgetting the main couple in the meantime.

Son Ye-jin and Hyun Bin put their entire Yejinussy and Binussy into their respective roles and you don't know how happy I was when i found out the two actors are dating! Love IS real and these two are living proof of it! They expertly craft Se-ri and Jung-hyuk into real people with their own lives and motivations all the while never forgetting that Se-ri and Jung-hyuk are the main reason they keep on going. The way they are in love is something so beautiful to watch, while painful to know a person could never experience it. It makes me cry every single time to watch them come together and fall apart and then put each other back together again, the way these two soulmates managed to find each other time and time again despite all the impossibilities that should exist but dissolve because of their love and devotion to one another.

I really could go on and on about this show but then I would end up with a novel. This show will never be a regret for me, and it definitely won't be a regret for you if you decide to watch it. The romance, the comedy, the drama, and the politics - the show balances these all so equally with their large cast.

Watching this show makes me want to die alone because if I can't have what they have, then i don't WANT IT

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It has it all and more!

Where to start?

Maybe from the beginning - I love sageuks, they're my favourite genre of kdramas that can be offered. I was still seething from watching The Red Sleeve and I was looking for something to wash down the bad taste that sageuk left behind. Lo and behold, this came up as a suggestion and I remember reading the infobox and thinking "this is like Go Go Princess". Imagine my surprise when I realised that it was the korean remake of the webdrama! From the onset the show was ticking all the boxes: a sageuk with a wacky premise that is balanced with romance and comedy, and a tasteful side of politics (I will die on this hill of me loving the political side to sageuks). Plus, the show was finished which meant it was binge watch time.

Premise:
Like it's predecessor, this show keeps the general gist that GGP did; playboy Bong-hwan has an accident that results in him being thrown back to the Joseon era, and not only that, he's in the body of the seemingly meek and obedient So-yong, Queen to King Cheoljong. The first few episodes deal with Bong-yong trying desperately to get back to his body and doesn't really care for the politics that are happening around him, remaining aloof and uncaring to the situation at the palace. But things are brewing and people are plotting and political intrigue is happening whether Bong-yong knows it or not, all the while he's being dragged into it.

I will defend the political side to sageuks with my dying breath and this show is no exception because we, like Bong-yong, are outliers and are learning who's who and what they want and we learn this alongside Bong-yong; it's not just good guys v bad guys, because everyone has their own side and are willing to do what they want to get it, Cheoljong is no exception to this. And we learn alongside Bong-yong, that palace life is not as perfect as it seems.

Characters:
Oh man oh man, where to even BEGIN? Bong-hwan is your typical playboy: he's kind of a chauvinist, a misogynist, doesn't really care about anyone but numero uno: himself and you don't entirely believe he's a good person, even though we know he isn't bad per se. I didn't generally care for Bong-hwan as his present day self because there isn't anything to really like about him, until he wakes up and is suddenly in So-yong's body; this, dear readers, is where the fun kicks in.

So-yong is a blank slate, portraying the meekness that is commonplace amongst girls at this time. She's sweet, she's quiet and soft, she has no big plans or goals other than one: to be queen and to love the king, and even be loved in return. By all accounts, she is innocent and the most innocent in the show as the sins of the father and family should not be on her shoulders. But Bong-yong isn't going to lie down and take any crap from people, and trouble and chaos ensues.

Bong-yong is a mix of So-yong and Bong-hwan; Bong-yong is loud, is brash, doesn't know etiquette, doesn't have a filter but Bong-yong is also kind and caring and sweet to those around her. Bong-yong is not Bong-hwan or So-yong, but the best (and worst) of both. Bong-yong's main storyline branches out from the need to get home, and instead becomes a journey of identity, both in terms of gender and sexuality. Bong-yong falls in love with Cheoljong, and at no point do you doubt that it's really only So-yong who is in love, and not Bong-hwan. And of course Bong-yong is thrown into chaos - she has never fallen in love with a man, let alone be attracted to one, and she doesn't know who she really is - her soul is Bong-hwan, but her body and heart is So-yong and she has lost all sense of who she truly is. But she never loses her way - in the end she decides it doesn't matter who she is, she loves who she loves and nothing will change that.

Cheoljong - my love, my life, how to even describe you? I believe i was like many in the beginning: i remember his first on screen appearance and i was like "uh, he's hardly going to be the main love interest?" He's goofy, he's simple, easily led astray and manipulated by his family and his government members. The literal definition of no thoughts, head empty, brain smooth. He was chosen simply because he was thought to be simple minded and could act as a puppet. However, we learn that this is very much not the case.

Cheoljong is an act: he knows how corrupt his government and the palace are, he knows the true nature of everyone who tries to make him think he can trust them and he is working secretly and tirelessly to bring down all the people in his way. He's cunning, meticulous, calculating and cruel at times, and sometimes that goofy façade cracks and his real self peers through, frightening those who begin to realise they were wrong about him from the start but this realisation comes all too late for many of Cheoljong's adversaries.

But the best part of Cheoljong? When he's in LOVE. In the beginning, we know he doesn't care for So-yong, let alone love her (insert second female lead here) and didn't seem entirely concerned when she decided to kermit sewerslide (in fact, I would say he would have loved for nothing more than for her to have died then). But So-yong has changed since her accident: she's no longer obedient and meek and quiet in any shape or form. She's eccentric and loud and does what she wants when she wants, and also seems to have forgotten her love confession to him. Cheoljong realises that maybe there's more to his queen and, despite objections, begins to place trust in her about his plans.

Cheoljong fell in love like how a person sleeps: slowly, and then all at once. He doesn't care about Bong-yong's constant monologues and quirky sayings (he even creates a queen's dictionary so he can understand Bong-yong's 21st century slang), her carefree attitude and nonchalant displays of affection touch Cheoljong as he has remained deprived of such things all his life. He is the number one supporter of "no touch", though doesn't seem to know exactly what it means other than "we live happily together separately". He wants Bong-yong to be happy, and he wants to be happy with her. And we never really do find out which side of Bong-yong that Cheoljong fell for, save for the end where he comments he feels like he's missing something once Bong-hwan and So-yong have been returned to their old selves. But Cheoljong loves Bong-yong, he fell first and oh boy did Cheoljong fall the hardest; he tries his best to understand Bong-yong's modern slang, has grown accustomed to her outbursts that freak everyone out and eventually she becomes the main reason he needs to keep fighting when everything seems lost.

Other characters include: second male lead who loves main female lead and then does everything to make her hate him while thinking he's doing it to protect her, second female lead who lied to male lead about being the girl from his childhood and hates the female lead, evil plotting baddies group 1 and 2, female lead's entourage and female lead's dad who is a cutie patootie and redeems himself for good. I don't have much to say about these side characters; they were good, they were fun, they did their parts in stirring up trouble and there was nothing really spectacular about them.

Other points:
The ACTING - mein got, Shin Hye-sun is a a GODDESS, you could really tell there was a difference between Bong-hwan and So-yong and then when the two become more connected how Bong-yong is a mix of the two, feminine and masculine all in one. Kim Jung-hyun was fantastic, he really sold the idea of Cheoljong being an idiot, puppet king in disguise and by GOD, when this man would lose his temper and start yelling? I would have to pause and fan myself because woooo boy. These two stood out from the entire cast, which isn't too say everyone else was bad, it's just these two were a powerhouse of acting and chemistry that I don't think anyone else could beat these two. Oh god, and the COMEDY - Shin Hye-sun needs to do more comedy because she is FANTASTIC, there are times i would pause and have to catch my breath because of her comedic skills. The same can be said of Kim Jung-hyun but his comedy is subtle and more unaware, the two actors meshing and rolling off of one another.

COSTUME/SET DESIGN: the thing about GGP was that it was super low budget and they made it work because their low budget was part of the comedy. You won't find that here; amazing costume designs and set designs really make the show a treat for the eyes. I think my favourite part about sageuks is their costuming and set designs, it's a treat alongside the actual show itself.

MUSIC: imma keep it real, I did not listen to any of the soundtracks, opening or credits. But it's not bad, i think? I can't really remember the soundtrack to this show.

Writing this review has made me want to watch the entire show again. It's definitely one of the best dramas 2020/2021 has had to offer!

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It's aight, could be better, could be worse.

I picked this show on a whim because I was looking for something to keep me busy. I have watched the odd cdrama here and there, and I had never watched one with this type of premise.

Personal thoughts:
I feel like the show does a great job of talking about fan culture and internet celebrities; in the age of online personalities and this dawn of cancelling, the show reflects much of the online environments surrounding these topics. ZGDX are e-sport athletes, something that otherwise would not exist without the internet and the rise of online gaming. They are revered by men and women alike and are celebs in their own rights. But there's an ugly side to this hero worship: the second someone slips up, they're hated, reviled, sent abuse and threats for making a mistake deemed worthy of admonishing, and the show takes painstaking measures to portray this type of behaviour and how often this type of outrage is soon forgotten and that the second that these boys have another victory in the bag after a loss that gained them hate, all these people who criticised them will be their biggest fans again.

Another aspect to the shows commentary is the presence of women in gaming; Tong Yao is young, pretty, girly and she's also the best gamer around. From the onset, the show isn't holding back on portraying exactly what women go through in this industry, with TY getting her first slew of hate in the first episode when she's told by guys that she's only there because she likes how ZGDX looks. It goes on and on; TY is only there to date boys, she's only there because she slept with one of the team members, she's only there because the team wants PC points, she's only there to look pretty, etc. And TY calls this behaviour out time and time again, she's the only girl in the competition and has to face a barrage of misogynistic comments thrown her way constantly, but she withstands it all the same.

And that's.... all I really have to say about the show. It isn't bad, it just doesn't stand out. The main actress must be relatively new to acting, because she didn't stand out in any shape or form. Her expressions were cute, but she always had this strange look of confusion on her all the time, sometimes followed by her pressing her lips together or giving a small smile. I can't even really say what her personality was, or if she even had one other than: "yes she's a girl. yes she's a gamer. yes they exist". I will say I like the fact that the show made TY as a girly girl rather than a total tomboy which would continue to perpetuate the idea that you have to be masculine in some shape and form to be a gamer. But TY was out here doing her make up and wearing cute skirts and shoes and lipstick while kicking ass.

The rest of the cast were the same, albeit they shone a bit more. I loved Xiao Rui and Xiao Pang, Jin Yang is the best friend anyone could ever ask for. The rest of the cast didn't really stand out. Lu Yue appeared as if he was going to be super important for like two episodes and then he was quite literally pushed to the side and all but forgotten about.

But we are here to talk about the one, the only, the star: Lu Sicheng. I've not seen anything Xu Kai has been in but I just might because he really carried this show. LS was cold without being cruel, aloof without being uncaring, he was honest without being brutal. He cared a lot about his team and his friends, but he was pragmatic, if something needed to be said and done, it would be so and he would do his best to minimise any hurt or damage that might occur. He embodied the stereotypical cold male lead without actually being one; you can see that he cares and some times he's just not the best at showing it. Plus, Xu Kai is so dreamy, awooga awooga, jaw drops to floor, eyes pop out of socket.

What I didn't like about the show:
There isn't much because this show really washed down easily and there's nothing to actually hate, but there are a few things that did make me roll my eyes a bit.
- The overused joke of TY being short. I mean, she's not THAT short, maybe everyone else is just freakishly tall? I'm five foot and a size 3 in shoe (we're the same size) and it just kept being overused ALL THE TIME. Like, at first it was funny because LS would be like "quiet small child" and call her shorty, but then it started getting... weird? Calling TY a child, calling her a little girl, saying she doesn't even look like an adult because of how short she is, essentially it was a lot of infantilisation. Like, a LOT. I don't even know if the show states how old LS is but I believe he's in his mid-/late-twenties as LY is 23 while TY is 21 at the start of the show. The age gap doesn't bother me at all, it's the constantly saying she looks like a child does.
- I'm holding off on making this an actual reason why I didn't like the show as I believe that it's a translator's error but my enjoyment of the show was ruined with the constant use of the r slur. I do think this was the fault of the translators because they even changed the subtitles for flashbacks in future episodes, but it just made me icky and soured my enjoyment of the show.
- "Where's the chemistry? Ion taste anything!" Xu Kai was probably hospitalised from back pains after being the sole carrier of the chemistry in this show. He gives clear cut reasons why he likes TY and there's a part where he quotes that he doesn't know where the love began, only that it's now deep. It's a wonder Xu Kai is so tall with the burden of having to carry the chemistry between him and Cheng Xiao weighing on his shoulders. There were cute moments and they were all initiated by him. Some times it doesn't even feel like TY even likes him, maybe it's a cdrama thing to forbid a woman being attracted to another man because god forbid a woman be sexually active.

Anyways to wrap it up:
Xu Kai, i'll pay for your medical bills and physiotherapy after carrying this entire show with your bare hands.

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i'm glad tomorrow isn't promised but in a good way

As if I needed any more reminders that I'm single and will die alone, but this show really made a good point of making sure I know it.

Touch Your Heart is quite an apt title for this drama because it does just that - it touches your heart and your soul and leaves you feeling light and full of ooze but in a good way. I finished my rewatch of Goblin and found myself in dire need of more Yoon In-na and Lee Dong-wook, and jumped straight into this drama so fast I almost got whiplash.

The love, the comedy, the cute air around it - this drama is exactly what a person needs to cheer themselves up and to nurse their cheeks after smiling so much from watching it.

Overarching thoughts:
This show has to be the CUTEST show I have ever watched, along with being the least frustrating one ever. It's so warm and kind to its characters and to the viewers, it makes you feel like you're being wrapped up in a blanket and that you're surrounded by so much love.

Yeon-so has jumped to top of my list of favourite ever female lead characters. I hate the trope of "Famous Actress is snobby and spoilt and looks down on every day things", and Yeon-so is such a breath of fresh air. She's a bit ignorant, for lack of a better term, of the "real world" but she never looks down on it; in fact, she's excited to try the normal things normal people do - she doesn't complain about her work as a secretary being below her, she doesn't try to weasle her way out of doing grunt work. She wants to learn and recognises that she doesn't know how to do these mundane things but will jump at the first chance to even try and do them even if she doesn't do them right or can't understand.

I don't want to say she's ditzy or an airhead because she most certainly is not - perhaps innocent is the better way to describe her? She is very innocent, perhaps it's to do with being sheltered and being a top actress where she's had staff and "underlings" at her beck and call since being a teen, and at first glance you would think "ah, her brain is as smooth as her skin" but she's not. She's the complete opposite to the trope of female actresses in dramas where they're spoilt and cruel and uncaring, because Yeon-so is so kind and warm hearted and you can tell she's been craving connections with people for so long. She wants to please and she cares for other people so much you can't help but like her. It feels as if she's been stuck as the person she was since she was spotted and thrown into the industry, no time to grow as into an adult and protected by her manager and CEO. God, there's just so much to love about her and In-na was SO DAMN CUTE AND BEAUTIFUL AND GORGEOUS AND AMAZING IN THIS ROLE.

Yeon-so was such a gentle character; she's incredibly in tune with her own feelings and of those around her and you can't help but look at her and want to protect her from everything. But she's not so innocent that she can't stand up for herself because she does that frequently. She knows people look down on her and she will always stand up for herself when need be and you learn it's a recent mindset because now she has nothing to lose after her scandal has cost her her reputation and career. Yeon-so's growth into a woman who is finally confident in herself and surrounded by people who love and care for her was such a touching thing to watch and it really, as per the title, touches your heart.

Jung-rok's characterisation in the first 2/3 episodes were incredibly misleading; you are led to believe that he, like Yeon-so, will be trapped in this trope of being a cold lawyer who doesn't care about anyone and doesn't have a heart.

Boy, I'm so glad the show stomped on that the second it could.

I can't say that Jung-rok had a deeper characterisation than Yeon-so, but there are more layers to him than you initially think. Once he gets over his prejudice towards Yeon-so, you get to see how he really is - he's awkward, he's not really sure how to deal with people on an emotional level because being a lawyer means you have to remain of critical thought and pragmatic mind almost all of the time. But he's incredibly empathetic and kind towards Yeon-so and he places a lot of faith in her abilities as a secretary which help her to grow confident, and in turn her kindness towards him helps him to overcome this lawyer-state of being all the time.

And god, Dong-wook put his entire Dongussy into Jong-rok; you can see he's hesitant and tentative because Dong-wook, like Yeon-so, is very inexperienced when it comes to romance and dating. He's not sure how to navigate his own feelings nor how to proceed with them once he's over one hurdle and onto the next and you can tell it's genuine, it's not because he thinks love is folly and only for fools, but because he's genuinely never had the chance to actually fall in love with someone. And when he falls in love with Yeon-so, it is so damn CUTE.

I know I'm saying cute a lot but it's true! Dong-wook is so CUTE with Yeon-so; he never diminishes her and he always tries to help her. He never rolls his eyes at her inability to eat by herself or go out to crowded places, in fact he does his best to help her overcome these anxieties she has such as showing her a single person restaurant where she can order and eat by herself when he isn't there to eat lunch with her. He has so much trust in her that he never crosses a boundary unless she's ready for it, he never pushes her for answers until she's ready to give them. He's always patient with her and holds her hand to say "I'll walk every step of the way with you". He's incredibly understanding of her, of the way she is and how she lives and her life as an actress and she is just the same.

God, their relationship - THEIR RELATIONSHIP! You will have to visit a dentist after this show from how many cavities you'll get watching them because they are so CUTE! They're like two teenagers in love and Dong-wook doesn't pretend to be anything other than completely in love with Yeon-so. He goes out of his way to try and make her happy, indulging her with secret displays of affection, trying to cheer her up with dates and he never questions her or her feelings ever, and neither does she.

They have genuinely the most healthy relationship I have ever seen portrayed in a kdrama - they're not afraid to be cringey with one another by doing aegyo and they trust each other and their relationship 100% of the time the moment they start dating. Example: Jung-rok gets set up on a blind date unknowingly and Yeon-so crashes it, bringing him back to her apartment where she says she's angry; Jung-rok hastily begins to apologise saying he didn't know, and Yeon-so's reponse? "I'm angry because she said you're more handsome in your pictures! You're too handsome! You're going to steal so many hearts!" But not ONCE does she imply that she's angry at him for going on the date or that he might cheat or anything of the sort. She never gets angry at him for cancelling their first dates, he never gets angry at her when men seem to flock to her and fawn over her. They're just so HEALTHY that even their jealousy is healthy, because their jealousy isn't based in the fear that the other might leave them or cheat on them, it's always "you're too handsome" "you're too beautiful" and shaking their head that, sigh, so many people are going to get their hearts broken because the two of them are so in love and will never date anyone other than each other.

They protect each other to all and any lengths even before they start dating; Jung-rok gets angry on her behalf for all the hate comments she used to receive, Yeon-so gets angry when someone even questions Jung-rok's ability as an attorney. They're just so deeply in love that they never question the other; Jung-rok even states that if she's keeping a secret from him that he doesn't care because she's doing it for her and he will never question her on why she's keeping a secret from him.

As for tropes and cliches, there's very little if none at all save for ones that are done for either comedic purposes or done with genuine reasons that make you understand WHY they're done, e.g, the breakup in the middle of the show. I understood why it was done and felt like it strengthened their relationship even MORE and made them more stable after the fact, and also I felt like it was a very realistic reflection on the industry and life of being an actor. You're even given a perfectly reasonable explanation why the two shouldn't be together: after so soon after a scandal, should it come out that Yeon-so was dating an attorney at the law firm she was "studying" at, the people wouldn't see it as a job she undertook to research for a role, but as a flimsy excuse to date with no regard to her acting career. Jung-rok's worries were legitimate and I can completely understand why he did it because it's completely true that netizens often don't react well when seeing their fave is in a relationship - you see it with kpop stars, perhaps less so with kdrama actors but considering Yeon-so's story, it's definitely based in fact.

Onto other things, the drama's storylines flowed like an ebbing river; there were times ripples were made, and others a wave, but it all flowed so easily, and sometimes too fast. With Yeon-so, I thought her stalker storyline would last a lot longer than it actually did and I'm not sure how to feel about it; part of me wishes it did last longer than it had, but the other part is relieved they didn't drag it out or make it melodramatic as they could have. I liked the legal side of the drama, specifically on Jung-rok's side, usually because Yeon-so and Jung-rok's relationship was peppered in throughout it. A lot of storylines and cases happened and a lot of them were tied up quite nicely, if not almost a bit too quickly that left me wanting more. Maybe I'm a masochist but I did want just a biiitttt more angst.

The other characters (once again, on Jung-rok and Yeon-so's side) were a delight and I loved them all; they were each so entertaining to watch and they lit up the screen any time they appeared. The other side of the drama was... well, I skipped through most of it that I can't even remember their names. I did not care for Jung-rok's best friend or the girlfriend at all. It was very... meh. I could not connect to these characters even after the first five episodes so I just skipped through all their scenes after that. I feel like they were brought in to be the large portion of the legal side to this drama, but the characters were just so BORING. I literally did not care at all for Se-won and Yeo-reum's relationship at all, I liked Se-won when he was acting as Jung-rok's best friend more than whenever he and Yeo-reum were on screen together.

This show was a complete delight to watch solely for Dong-wook and In-na, and the rest of the show was a side benefit to their characters and their relationship. My cheeks hurt so much from smiling and I think my face has turned a colour of bright red permanently from how many times I was blushing watching them, specifically Dong-wook. I'm so sad to see this show end!

Also, if I don't get a relationship EXACTLY like theirs, then I dont WANT ONE AT ALL.

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you thought you ate? well you did, here's another plate

Every once in a while, I come across a gem, unpolished, hidden and unknown. I wipe away the dust and the dirt and am met with something so beautiful that I can hardly believe my eyes.

This show is no exception.

It is lockdown 2020; I am at home and finished my second semester of first year uni. I have gone through almost every single historical kdrama on my netflix and I am BORED. I turn to Viki, "maybe it'll have something else that won't have constant porn ads popping up" I think, scrolling through aimlessly the suggestions. Then I stop, I pause and look at a show tile with the title "The Romance of Tiger and Rose". By this point I have only watched one cdrama ever back in 2018 and I have never strayed from kdramas since 2014. But there's something about this show - the premise is wacky, it's something a kdrama would never do, it's 24 episodes instead of the 48 that normally come with historical cdramas and most importantly: it's tagged as "rom-com". It's fully subtitled, it's completely finished. "What the hell," I shrug. "I have nothing for doing anyways."

I click "play first episode" and I go on a journey.

Xiao Qian has a problem - she's stuck in her own script and doesn't know how to get out. But there's an upside: she knows everything about everyone and knows exactly what's going to happen. After several attempts at thinking death would be her only escape, Xiao Qian decides there's only one solution: see the story to the end as Qian Qian.

The thing about TAR is that everything is done on purpose - the side character made for exposition? Yeah, turns out QQ wrote him like that to meet a word count. The "hero" having a heart defect? Well, he needed to be because how else was the initial female lead going to make him trust her after she cures him? The different cultures in either city making no sense? Yeah, QQ realises halfway through that she needs to change that ASAP once she gets home. The fact Han Shuo and Chu Chu don't really have a reason to love one another in the real script? Well, don't blame QQ, she's never even dated and she's just doing what she's seen in other dramas! But things are different: she's there and she's going to make sure that Han Shuo and Chu Chu fall in love and everything works out.

Only there's a slight, tiny, teeny, little bit of a problem: uh, Han Shuo is married to QQ and he doesn't seem eager to turn his attention to Chu Chu.

Because there's only thing QQ can't account for: her character's feelings. Having survived the wedding night (the night she was supposed to die) QQ works hard to turn things around because she wants to go home and not for one second is she going to forget that mission. She has two goals: make HS and CC fall in love and make CC the City Master. Seems easy, right?

WRONG.

Because QQ quickly realises that these people aren't just words on paper; they're real, they have goals, ambitions, dreams and, most importantly, feelings. And the person that shows this to her the most is her supposed arch enemy: HS. She's written him, she knows how he's cruel and vindictive and malicious, she knows what he's going to do, what he COULD do to her if she's on his bad side. So she tries to be nice to him - she celebrates his birthday, she gets him a new set of clothes, she's all about compromise - they will live by his rules in private, and her rules in public. This QQ is not arrogant or rude, she's kind, she's caring, sometimes a bit of a smooth brain but it's understandable why. And Han Shuo is all but helpless as he falls in love with her.

This HS and the HS that QQ wrote are two very different people and she doesn't realise at this point that it's all because of her; HS cares very deeply for QQ to the point he would turn his back on his own city to help her, and he knows falling in love with her is not a smart move but there comes a point where he doesn't care. He's at her heels, constantly making sure she's safe and protected, being a shoulder for her to cry on and he'll shake his head at her antics but he will never discourage her from them. He's her #1 supporter, he knows what she's really like and he will never talk down to her or act like she's some helpless maiden that needs to be protected.

But it seems smoothbrain QQ has this completely slide off of her brain because she's still deadset on going home and continuously tries to make her script happen. Not once throughout this show does QQ's actions aggravate me because there's always a reason behind them. Doesn't realise HS is in love with her? Well, he did try to kill her several times and she wrote him to be in love with CC not her. Blatantly manipulates people to do what she wanted done in her script? She wants to go HOME, she doesn't want to be stuck in a dream forever, she has bills to pay and she misses WiFi! Sends Han Shuo away and lies about her feelings? QQ thinks that she cannot change her script and therefore cannot change HS's fate, but perhaps she can save him long enough until the story is over so he doesn't have to die because of her meddling.

QQ's goal is constant: she wants to go home and needs to take the actions necessary to do so, even if it means hurting herself and others for it to come true. But for a moment so brief that you would blink and miss it, there is a time when she and HS get to live out their marital, blissful life, knowing that they love each other and want to be with one another. And it's so cute - you can tell that HS fell first and he fell HARD, while QQ still obviously has her reservations but she loves him and she's so happy that he loves her. Everything she has done has been to protect him and everything he has done has been to protect her, and he would never do anything to hurt her.

Well.

Sort of.

This show loses its 10/10 rating for a certain scene portrayed in episode 19. I believe that this scene needs to be talked about because of how triggering it is and I remember being completely shook to my core once the scene happened without warning so...

TW: SA.

Without spoiling too much, HS has been cast out from the city by QQ and he is not a happy camper. His love has turned bitter and he wants revenge, revenge that is gladly offered up to him by another character. He returns and he's not at all the happy, loving husband that QQ had turned away. He's angry, he's cruel and cold - he's the HS that QQ had written in the beginning and she knows that she should be very much afraid. HS doesn't believe QQ's reasoning for turning him away and she essentially becomes his prisoner and he the key to her cell.

a lover scorned, HS has a lapse in judgement and his feelings for QQ and acts maliciously towards her, his behaviour worsened when second male lead Pei Heng appears. Certain that QQ and PH have been loving it up, HS shoves PH down a set of stairs and beats him, until QQ steps in. HS wastes no time in throwing her over his shoulder and carrying QQ into her room while she's kicking and screaming, throwing her onto the bed and looming over her. You can tell QQ is afraid because she knows what he's capable of, and she begins to plead with him to calm down and listen to reason but HS refuses - instead, he says it's about time he's got what he's deserved after all this time. And then promptly begins to attack QQ, trying to take off his clothes and hers, not caring for the fact she's fighting back to get him off of her.

HS only ends his assault when QQ's crying grows louder and more afraid and he can see how frightened she is, begging him to stop and that he's scaring her. There's a moment where he reaches out, seemingly regretful, and his mouth opens, making me think he's about to apologise when his voice says: "You ruined my mood" instead.

And then that's it.

QQ brushes it off as "oh he's just super mad at me for saying I don't love him", it doesn't affect her or her opinion of him. HS never apologises. Bai Ji makes a joke saying he can lock the two in a room with an aphrodisiac. Everyone forgets and moves on because the end is in sight. I'm still staring at the screen, mouth slack and eyes wide, not quite believing that I just witnessed HS try to grape QQ.

But everyone is moving forward and I can't be left behind so I have to scrub that scene from my memory and pretend it never happened otherwise I won't be able to finish a show that has been perfect so far.

The comedy in the show is completely next level and I should expect no less from Lu Si who is a goddess at comedy and drama alike. I've watched this show three times and it still makes me laugh every single time because the comedy in this show is AMAZING. Like, I don't even know how to explain it because it's so situational and me trying to explain would ruin the joke. I feel like cdrama's are superior at producing comedies compared to other parts of the world because it's all so natural and doesn't rely on vulgar language or humour to be funny.

But the ACTING - everyone holds their own but you know i gotta talk about my girl Zhao Lu Si; she is one of my favourite actresses because she has the RANGE; comedy, drama, tragedy, romance, you name it. She's only getting better as she ages and I am constantly excited for anything new that she is in. I just don't know how she does it, her expressions, her body language, everything about her acting is so superb. The slightest, subtle movement can tell you exactly what she's thinking as a character and she never fails at making lovable, flawed characters for you to fall in love with.

Ding Yu Xi is fantastic as well, I only feel sorry that he got stuck with that horrible wig and I wish they fired whoever was doing his make up because, damn, man's had a LOT of make up on throughout this show. But he is fantastic as HS - he manages to expertly portray the two sides of HS, the cold and cruel side and the loving and caring side. The side that loves QQ and the side that hates her, and it always seems a battle of which side will win because you can FEEL the conflict HS is going through. Falling in love with QQ means betraying his city and his people, but carrying out his duty means betraying QQ, his wife. Bai Ji acts as the devil on his shoulder, reminding a reluctant HS what he must do for his city, but HS pushes it off time and time again until you can see that his love for QQ is more than for his city. And Yu Xi is amazing at portraying HS's constant internal conflict, his hurt over QQ's dismissive actions, when he's touched by her kindness, when he struggles between his city and his wife. All of it is so clear and portrayed through even the slightest of movements.

This show has become my all time favourite comfort show. I cry when watching it, I laugh when watching it, I blush when watching it, whenever I feel sad I can turn it on and just enjoy a few hours of blissfully watching it.

One of the best shows that I have ever watching and I will always return to it because it feels like home.

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[insert italian music here] mamma mia, what a boring watch!

This show had a great premise: an anti-hero, a female lead who isn't all pure and innocent, bad guys who are actually badder than bad and straight up evil and an adorable pool of side characters around the anti-hero who bring out his good side and his bad side.

Now, notice how I said the show had a great premise? Well, it's a shame that they fumbled the bag.

The show suffers from being too long; in a world of kdramas that are 17 episodes, Vincenzo decided to be quirky and do 20 episodes. 20 long, drawn out, draining episodes this show consisted of. The middle suffers the worst with this, the constant rinse and repeated cycled of bad guys plotting, Vincenzo finds out, he stops their plotting and they get mad and decide to plot more to get back at him, so on and so forth. It felt like I was watching the same episode four times with how often they repeated this cycle over and over again. You can have too much of something and Vincenzo really kept adding to the plate even though I said I was stuffed and didn't want anymore.

The obvious problems with the show:

- How comically evil the main bad guy was. He was a hidden bad guy but then he was revealed and he was just so comically evil. Killing people left right and centre, greedy and it's stated he was diagnosed as a psychopath at 16 after killing four classmates. Like, uh obviously, we didn't need a diagnosis to know that. I don't even know what his actual goals are for being so evil; does he want more money? Does he want to quash the backlash his company is facing? Or does he just hate Vincenzo that much he would do anything to stop him? I don't know. I mean, I guess it's all three? But they're just so shallow. The end was satisfying at least but it just got to a point where I wanted him gone not because I hated him, but because I was so bored of him.

- The 20 episodes. They dragged out a lot of storylines that didn't need to be dragged out. Fighting the case against Babel, trying to get the gold, avenging the death of a character - it just drags on SO much. Like, I'm not kidding, they have 20 episodes of the same thing of them trying to bring down Babel and they barely succeed time and time again. I'm just as exhausted as the characters watching them try to bring down the company. The pacing of the show was all over the place and completely destroyed my enjoyment of the show.

- The characters. Now, they weren't BAD per se but as i said before, comically evil bad guys who really do go above and beyond to be bad, and then Vincenzo just seems this completely untouchable anti-hero. He's always one step ahead and he's unbeatable. I do, however, like how they never completely redeemed Vincenzo - in fact, I would say that there's a moment where he's on the path to redemption and you notice it in his appearance in how he is adopting a more South Korean style with his hair and wearing lighter suits as well. Then an event happens that makes Vincenzo revert right back and you see it in his wardrobe, he's back to wearing the black and white suits and his hair is back to it's usual brushed back style. I loved this little detail and I've not seen anyone notice it but I just loved the fact they never made Vincenzo a good guy - he's not evil, he's done terrible, bad things but he's not evil. But if that's the case, then that means he's never had any character development either. He's the exact same as he was at the start of the show and he's made no progress except from the fact he's accepted that this is just his nature and he can't change.

What I liked:
-Han-seo. That's it. That's the tweet. I love him and I would die for him and I would tear apart the entire world for him to protect him. Han-seo is the most tragic character in the entire show and Dong-yeon was fantastic in portraying just how much of a broken person Han-seo is. Han-seo grew up under his tyrannical and abusive older brother whose abuse towards his younger brother got so bad it resulted in Han-seo's parents having to drug Han-seo to the point he could not remember the abuse, eventually affecting his own mental state. He's not the brightest crayon in the box but there's also the fact that most of it is an act. He plays up to the fact everyone thinks he's an idiot because he knows it's the only way to protect himself.

Just watching Han-seo is so heartbreaking because he continues to be a pawn to his older brother's machinations and is still being abused to this day but he doesn't fight back because his brother is all that he has and you then realise Han-seo's ultimate goal: he just wants an older brother and he wants to be safe from the abuse he has continued to endure since birth. God, I'm even tearing up writing about this because of how tragic of a character he is. The only reason he is on the side of the bad guys is because he's afraid and he was always afraid of his brother because he knows his brother is a psychopath and would not hesitate to kill Han-seo.

What makes Han-seo more tragic is that he does get what he wants: he finds that brotherly love he's always wanted in Vincenzo who, while initially not really caring for Han-seo, begins to care for him and even calls him his dongsaeng while letting Han-seo call him Vin-hyung. Han-seo sees Vincenzo as the ultimate big brother and says he knows Vincenzo can and will protect him and Vincenzo tries, God knows Vincenzo tries so hard, and Lord I'm tearing up typing this because this is literally the most tragic thing in Vincenzo. It just hurts even thinking about it because Han-seo was only ever a victim of circumstances and never gets to get out of that, he never gets to stop being a victim.

I can barely see through my tears right now what with writing about Han-seo, so I'm going to leave it here.

To round up:
I love Han-seo and he's the only reason i kept watching the show. If you like Mafia intrigue, a side of barely there romance and to see bad guys actually commit horrendous crimes instead of just plotting, then I guess this is the show for you.

Oh yeah, I forgot about the romance. Well, it's there, kinda. Yeah.

Anyways, it wasn't the worst thing to watch, nor was it the best. I will never rewatch this show even though I do love Han-seo and Dong-yeon. I watched this show over the span of two/three months instead of binge watching it. Glad I didn't waste sleep binge watching.

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if i wanted this much emotional hurt, i would call up my mother

I wanted to like this show.

I really really did. And part of me does, the part that is trying to separate my own personal feelings from the objective opinion i hold towards this show.

I'm going to just dive right in here to my objective opinion regarding the show.

OBJECTIVE OPINION:
It's a good show, nay a GREAT show even. I love sageuks and it takes a lot for me to not like a sageuk. This show did have me under the impression that it would be a rom-com-dram, but the comedy was dropped pretty quickly after the first 2-3 episodes. Not a problem, just an observation. i would much rather they drop the comedy than to try and keep it up when the tone of the show has completely changed.

The show does not hold back on its characters and it really hammers in the idea: a good king does not make a good man. Yi San is proud, he is arrogant and he is stubborn. Born to privilege and with it coming certain obligations, Yi San is not under any impressions that he wouldn't make a good king. He has good intentions, and you know his actions stem from a good place within his heart, but time goes on and you think: how can a man be a good leader if he's not a good man? Perhaps the two are not so interconnected as one would think, but you see YS as a man who wants to help the people, but he is selfish, he is greedy and wanting and perhaps it is as a result of his upbringing - denied a father, abandoned by a grandmother, all but ignored by a mother and abused by a grandfather, there is little love in his life and he would be starved for it if he knew what it tasted like.

Enter stage left: Deok-im.

I loved the plotline of her not knowing he is actually the crown prince and was very disappointed when they abandoned that very early into the show because it would have been a way to establish a foundation for friendship the way Love in the Moonlight had. But she has this information pretty early so whatever was placed down as a foundation for friendship is too weak to withstand the weight of knowing so it cracks and crumbles to nothing. Where Deok-im used to call him out and stand up to Yi San, now she is meek and obedient like all other palace maids. She does not talk back, she does not stand up to him or call him out on his behaviour. She exists only to serve and she does so because there's nothing else in her life she can control.

And this is what drives Deok-im: she will control whatever she can, what no one else can, be it her heart or her thoughts or the way she reads and writes, they will not take these from her. She will obey in every other single aspect of her life, but she will control what little she can because if she can't, then she may as well not even be alive. But as time goes on, that list of what she can control grows smaller and smaller until there is nothing else left except her heart because YS wants every single part of her, parts of her Deok-im cannot bear to part with.

Deok-im is the mirror image of almost every young girl in the world at this time: she is subject to the control of others. She cannot marry because she serves the royal family, her body doesn't even belong to her as court ladies all belong to the king, she cannot leave the palace whenever she wants, and she cannot even speak her mind for fear of punishment or death. But the one thing Deok-im can control is her feelings and she will always control her heart even if it means hurting herself or others. She calls it a small act of rebellion, to never tell YS she loves him in return even knowing that it hurts him, even knowing that it hurts her. Because YS has effectively taken all other aspects of freedom from her - his love is suffocating and he doesn't see it. He is unable to understand DI and why she does not want to be with him, he believes that her choosing her freedom over him means she does not love him at all, not seeing it just means she cannot give up herself to give to him.

Despite this, YS still makes her give every part of herself to him and he selfishly holds onto her even after her death. His love is shown as possessive, as controlling and greedy and smothering - he wants DI all to himself, to deny her to even be free because to be free means to not be with him.

I put off watching the last episode for a long time and it was like a bitter pill watching it. I don't even think i can say it was bitter sweet, nor can I say that it made me feel that the emotional constipation was worth all these episodes.

Which leads us into:

PERSONAL OPINION:
I didn't like it. I really didn't like it. I normally don't care about shows being, how you say, emotionally nihilistic but this show really took the cake. As I said, the show completely abandoned the comedy in favour of the more serious tone which I commented on being a good choice, but now we're left with constant plotting and scheming and emotional conflicts left, right and centre. It's exhausting and frustrating, I don't even have the energy to explain it.

The romance I felt was poorly executed because they did not take advantage of the plotline of DI not knowing YS was the crown prince. They should have held onto it a bit longer to establish a realistic friendship because what we were left with was not a friendship - it was a servant obeying the whims of a master and that master desperately trying to chase after that earlier friendship they had but knowing it was gone. I could never fathom WHY DI fell in love with YS; he wasn't funny, he wasn't kind, he wasn't exactly oozing with charisma. He certainly wasn't boring, that's not what I'm saying at all, but how he acted towards her made him just... there wasn't nothing to like about him. It's even shown that she still sees him as the man he was before she found out he was the crown prince, and perhaps she continues to hold onto that because the real YS is unlikeable at best, and detestable at worst.

At least on YS's end it's evident why he loves DI so much, even if he portrays it poorly. Because YS is a great Crown Prince and becomes a greater King. He's just not a good man to DI. He's a selfish lover and he dismisses her own agency because he wants her all to himself, he is physically incapable of understanding why she cannot love or be with him and ultimately the only reason they do end up together is because he gives her a harsh ultimatum.

Deok-im just felt like a side character in her own story most of the time. Maybe it's to reflect the fact she isn't even the main character in her own life, let alone a side character in the lives of others. But it seems that even despite wanting to live as herself and have freedom, every single thing she does is for the Crown Prince. Every major action is done to aid the Crown Prince, the only thing she really does for herself is deny saying that she loves him.

God, and let's talk about that shall we? Because as I said, I really could not buy that DI loved YS, like at all. There were times i even doubted she did until another character was like "you love him, don't you?" and she would nod and say yes but I would be sitting there like "??? You do?? Since, uh, when?" The best I can describe DI is that she is passive, she doesn't go and kick ass or cross dress or get up to shenanigans. She just doesn't really do much besides help the Crown Prince and... well that's it. It feels as if she exists only for him and it feeds into YS's feeling that he deserves her, that he almost /owns/ her.

And by all intents and purposes, he did own DI. But he never could own her completely. And I can't help but think: would he have felt that he needed to resort to force if DI had simply tried to explain to him her feelings? Because there is NO communication between these two. Perhaps it's the show trying to say "ohhh look he loves her so much he's desperate to have her in any way he can" but it just doesn't work. DI can't even articulate her feelings to the man she loves apart from one instance that I'm trying hard to recall. I believe it was her saying that she did not love him and that her life as his concubine wouldn't be happy because she would deny him his """right""" as the king and she would be sent away to live the rest of her life alone and in humiliation. But the two can't even TALK to one another about this because DI never bothers to corrects YS's assumptions about her feelings, thus leaving YS to believe he's right and he just bulldozes over DI with his assumptions.

There's no common ground, there's no equality. YS can take whatever he wants from DI and she is helpless to stop it. DI's love for him feels shallow and at time non-existent and for half of the show, i genuinely thought she didn't have any feelings for him at all.

FINAL THOUGHTS:
I trudged through 17 episodes and I came out feeling absolutely nothing. I didn't cry at the ending because I knew the show has based on history. I didn't laugh or cry for like the last 10 episodes at all. The show was exhausting, that's the only way to put it - it would have been better if it abandoned the romance altogether because it was the source for all of my frustration. There are times the romance felt forced or out of place, and it's no fault on the actors, they did the best they could with what they had.

It really felt like the show almost forgot about the romance for the first half of the show and then realised they had another 5 episodes with no bad guys or plotting so they needed something to keep the show moving along, in that the romance in the beginning existed as plot for the second half of the show but because they were too focused on the first half of the show, they forgot about the romance until they needed it.

All I can think of to round this up is: Scarlet Heart did the tragic romance better and if that is what you're looking for, pick that show instead of this one instead.

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