Honglou Meng
Erehwon
The Ten Commandments of KBLs
These are the universal commandments that have been handed down to us by the gods of Korean BLs, to be inscribed and repeated on our television screens, and to be followed religiously and absolutely. These shall be the commandments by which the present and all future KBLs may be judged.
1. Thou shalt not kiss. Thou shalt not kiss in any meaningful sense of that word, "kiss". Thou mayst, however, press your lips against another man’s as you would a leper’s.
2. Thou shalt not utter the word ‘gay’. For it is a sin. Thou mayst like another man, and if any man shall ask of you if you do, thou mayst answer, “I like not men, I like you.”
3. Thou shalt refrain from all carnal desires. For it is a sin. The submissive shall resist all attempts at intimacy, and the dominant may not pursue the submissive unless it is known that all his attempts shall prove fruitless. (Aptly mayst thou call this 'ironical'.)
4. Thou shalt respect the difference in height between the dominant and the submissive. Six inches will suffice, a foot too much, three inches too little. As below, so above.
5. Remember thou that there exist only three acceptable settings for a KBL. School, university, and office. For these do encompass all of life. Thou shalt invest thy characters in white jackets with blue borders at school, leather jackets and hooded sweaters at university, and ill-fitted suits at work.
6. Remember thou that there exist only three acceptable plots for a KBL. Friends to lovers, enemies to lovers, and (adopted) brothers to lovers. Thou shalt entertain no other plots besides these.
7. Thou shalt employ no actor that is not thin, wanting of water, and starved for nutriments. The actors must have defined chests, six (or better yet, eight) pack abdominals, and flawless skin. Thou mayst coat the skin with three inches of wall paint to whitewash all flaws.
8. The writer shall inscribe in each tale at least one instance of timejump, forced separation or miscommunication. The unimaginative shall employ all three.
9. Thou shalt choose from among the following ornaments at least three to embellish thy tale: the slipping towel, the towel bath, an accidental fall or catch, sleeping-beauty kiss, somnolent confession, gentle lock-of-hair restoration, alcoholic amnesia, and rain-born fever.
10. Thou shalt not speak of homophobia in thy tale — in this, the most homophobic division of our realm — unless it furthereth thy plot and our cynical purpose. Friends and family shall be universally supportive, unless it force a separation between thy characters. Remember thou always that this is a world of pandering fantasy, not reality.
Note: The ratings are provisional. For each commandment broken, I'll add half a star to the rating. If there's a proper kiss, I'll add a whole star.
1. Thou shalt not kiss. Thou shalt not kiss in any meaningful sense of that word, "kiss". Thou mayst, however, press your lips against another man’s as you would a leper’s.
2. Thou shalt not utter the word ‘gay’. For it is a sin. Thou mayst like another man, and if any man shall ask of you if you do, thou mayst answer, “I like not men, I like you.”
3. Thou shalt refrain from all carnal desires. For it is a sin. The submissive shall resist all attempts at intimacy, and the dominant may not pursue the submissive unless it is known that all his attempts shall prove fruitless. (Aptly mayst thou call this 'ironical'.)
4. Thou shalt respect the difference in height between the dominant and the submissive. Six inches will suffice, a foot too much, three inches too little. As below, so above.
5. Remember thou that there exist only three acceptable settings for a KBL. School, university, and office. For these do encompass all of life. Thou shalt invest thy characters in white jackets with blue borders at school, leather jackets and hooded sweaters at university, and ill-fitted suits at work.
6. Remember thou that there exist only three acceptable plots for a KBL. Friends to lovers, enemies to lovers, and (adopted) brothers to lovers. Thou shalt entertain no other plots besides these.
7. Thou shalt employ no actor that is not thin, wanting of water, and starved for nutriments. The actors must have defined chests, six (or better yet, eight) pack abdominals, and flawless skin. Thou mayst coat the skin with three inches of wall paint to whitewash all flaws.
8. The writer shall inscribe in each tale at least one instance of timejump, forced separation or miscommunication. The unimaginative shall employ all three.
9. Thou shalt choose from among the following ornaments at least three to embellish thy tale: the slipping towel, the towel bath, an accidental fall or catch, sleeping-beauty kiss, somnolent confession, gentle lock-of-hair restoration, alcoholic amnesia, and rain-born fever.
10. Thou shalt not speak of homophobia in thy tale — in this, the most homophobic division of our realm — unless it furthereth thy plot and our cynical purpose. Friends and family shall be universally supportive, unless it force a separation between thy characters. Remember thou always that this is a world of pandering fantasy, not reality.
Note: The ratings are provisional. For each commandment broken, I'll add half a star to the rating. If there's a proper kiss, I'll add a whole star.
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