(Note: Spoilers below, TW for mention of interpersonal abuse, including SA)

First and foremost, Up and Poom were phenomenal in this series. Their acting was fantastic. I have a lost of criticism of the storyline and characters but want to make sure it's understood that these are not critiques of the actors themselves. I thought the production value was extremely high; the directing, costuming, lighting, makeup, stunts, etc. were all really high quality and fantastic.

I have neither read the novel this series is based on, nor have I investigated thorough summaries/reviews of it to try to draw comparisons. My review is entirely about the series.

In many ways, this is a very realistic portrayal of an abusive relationship from start to finish. Yes, the story involves the fantastical elements of body swapping and a shaman/mystic, but if you removed that you have a pretty stark portrayal of the push and pull of an abusive relationship. Knowing what I do about interpersonal violence, the end of the series feels only like a pause, not like a happy ending as many view it.

Joe is a man starved for love. He lost his parents when he was very young and has been on his own. He has friends and has clearly had relationships before, but he is desperate for someone to choose him and stay with him. This is what leads him to initially accepting a sex-only arrangement with Ming, despite that not being what he wanted. He would settle for whatever crumbles he could get rather than knowing his own worth and standing firm on deserving better.

Once Ming had him hooked the abuse began. We see his intense manipulation and controlling nature almost immediately. We see multiple instances of Joe saying no to sex but Ming persisting until Joe gives up and gives in (this is NOT consent!). We see Joe be physically harmed when Ming's anger over his own jealousy or not getting his way is taken out either on Joe directly or indirectly because Joe is trying to break up the violence. Of course, there is the obvious kidnapping and holding him prisoner until Joe manages to get away. After the body swap we add using money to manipulate and control Joe into doing what Ming wants. Ming consistently ignores what Joe wants or what would make him happy. The only thing that ever matters is Ming getting what Ming wants.

People will make a lot of excuses for Ming. Oh Ming was abused; he was groomed; he was neglected. It doesn't matter. Was Ming being emotionally manipulated by Tong? Yes. Was he a victim of Tong's controlling tendencies when he felt threatened or jealous by Ming not focusing entirely on him? Yes. Was his family emotionally neglectful? Yes. Was his family controlling either directly or indirectly? Yes. Did all of these contribute to Ming's behavior? Surely. However being abused is not a valid excuse to become the abuser.

What angers me the most is the way Joe is constantly manipulated back into Ming's arm's every time he tries to get away. He breaks up with Ming after the kidnapping but Ming states he refuses to leave Joe's home. He will stay there and force Joe to face the man who has wrought so much abuse upon him and who has destroyed the opportunity and career he had earned for himself. Joe never has to face him only because of his "death." When Joe wakes up in the body of another he wants nothing but to avoid Ming and move on, to have a different path. However, his need for money to help the mother of his new body who he has taken as his own puts him into a difficult situation. Ming leverages this to get what he wants, a stand-in for his previous stand-in. When Ming discovers who new Joe really is Joe, once again, tries to leave him but is once again forced back because Ming simply won't take no for an answer.

Only when Ming gets confirmation that new Joe is actually old Joe does he start the conciliatory phases of the abuse cycle (remorse and honeymoon phases). He inserts himself in Joe's life even when Joe doesn't want him to. He decides to be sweet. Suddenly he is kind to Joe. Does he ever apologize for his own abuse toward him? No. Does he make any real effort to do better? Some would say yes but to me this looks like placating.

Even when Joe is dying and decides to die (putting aside whether or not the master may have persuaded/manipulated him into that choice), it is only the emotional manipulation of Ming that changes his mind.

One could argue that Joe made these decisions on his own, fully knowing what he was doing. However the person who makes that argument doesn't understand the cycle of abuse. It starts with the honeymoon phase where one is showered with affection, gifts, compliments, etc. Then the abuser becomes moody, criticizing, threatening, playing mind games and/or gaslighting. Next they explode, this is where the physical, sexual and emotional abuse comes in. After there are excuses, guilt, justification ("you're only a stand-in," or the reminders their relationship is only a sexual one). Then we go right back into our honeymoon phase. Joe never sees Ming's abuse as being Ming's fault. It's his own because he wants more than he's entitled to as a mere sex partner, because he was with Sol who he knows Ming doesn't like, because he upset Tong who is important to Ming, etc. etc. Joe keeps going back because of the hope that it will be different, it will be the honeymoon phase all the time. In fact, we even see a honeymoon phase montage early in episode 12 leading up to the decision not to exit the mortal plane.

Joe never once was allowed to make a decision for himself once he met Ming, and every time he tried to Ming was there to usurp control of his decision making. This series is a beautifully tragic portrait of abuse. However, it is the clear intention that we are supposed to cheer on this couple, supposed to want them together and supposed to excuse all that abuse because the abuser is suddenly being kind which causes me to rate it so low.

There are other things I could nitpick, namely the lack of use of Winner and how it would have worked much better for Winner to play Joe's original body and have Poom play the new Joe with the glimpses of Winner we got instead being glimpses of the soul inside the body rather than being reminders of who everyone else saw. We never get to see the synergy between Winner and Poom's performances because Winner practically doesn't exist. The really missed the opportunity there to make the audience adjust to the new Joe along with the characters.

In the end, this series constantly made me angry and it should have. If you weren't angry at the abuse; f you weren't constantly hoping Joe would get away from Ming; if you weren't irate that Tong and Ming both got off without any consequences for their myriad shitty behavior; if you didn't think that in a fictional world we deserved a better ending for Joe then I don't know. This series was beautiful aesthetically with brilliant acting, but it was a horrible tragedy through and through.