Girl Dorm (2019)

Girl Dorm is One of The Movies I've Seen in My Life!

I love being the first person to review movies on here because it usually means 1 of 2 things:
1- It's a super unheard of hidden gem!!!!
2- (more likely) it's not worth paying attention to.

The first spooky thing to happen in this 90-minute "suspenseful" horror movie is at 9 minutes at 13 seconds in. Petty? Absolutely. I was promised a horror movie, bring me the actual horror, other than the way this girl does laundry. Yeesh, who taught you folding?

If you're going to advertise a horror movie, please let there be something more scary than an old mom calling MULTIPLE TIMES FOR NO REASON (as far as we know at this time).
"I hate that you're going to school so far away. Do you like your dorm?"
"I'm on the bus."
"I hate that you're on the bus so far away. What's your dorm like?"
There, just saved you several minutes of generic mom-who-cares-too-much dialogue. You're welcome.

Second Scare: 10 minutes 28 seconds. Main girl does not notice, as per the rules of horror movies. Ultimately, the entire first quarter of the movie is taken up by our girl exploring the dorm and being absolutely stunned at the twin beds, washing machine, shower stalls, and cafeteria. Riveting. She's the only person in the entire dorm which, besides being completely unbelievable, is also a massive waste of money and electricity. Why have lunch staff for ONE PERSON, and then have them say there's no food but she can have leftovers from lunch? Left over from WHAT? WHOOOOOOO?

Spoiler, obviously. But they're NOT ALONE.

Anyway, for all you insomniacs out there, add this to your playlist to save on medication, otherwise it could also have value as a teaching moment for future movie makers. Please understand that there's a reason build-up of tension does not usually run for a large part of the movie. We need to CARE about this girl, and fast, so that we have someone to cheer for. Sad to say, I think her mom should have kept her at home.

Read More