Water Cyborg (1966)

Before Sonny Chiba became The Street Fighter he fought genetically altered humans turned into fish men cyborgs. A diabolical scientist wanted to rule the world from his undersea headquarters and turn all humans into obedient cyborgs. Can Sonny and his plucky female sidekick and the US Navy stop the nefarious plan?

Reporters Ken and Jenny are aboard a navy sub in order to watch a new torpedo demonstration when a mysterious creature swims by the viewing window. Later the two don their scuba gear and go back to investigate. Jenny is confronted by one of the creatures and escapes. Commander Tom Brown says he doesn’t believe her, and like a good man from the 1960’s, recommends she see a psychiatrist. Ken does believe her and the two once again go underwater to see what’s going on but are captured by the strange creatures. They awaken to find themselves dressed in white pajamas and scuffed up white go-go boots. Dr. Rufus Moore introduces himself and explains his plan, showing the transformation of a man into a Creature from the Black Lagoon. Ken and Jenny seek to avoid that fate while their friend, Commander Brown fights bureaucratic red tape in order to rescue them.

I have a high tolerance for cheesy old monster films, but this one tested that tolerance. With the exception of Sonny, who looked great here I might add, the acting was abysmal. Not even in the cheesy, “Welcome to my lair, Mr. Bond,” kind of way. The costumes had issues with gaping spots and one was literally coming apart at the seams. The cyborg commands were rudimentary of which they showed only two, “work” and “fight.” But what happens if they become short-circuited and turn on their masters? They livened up the movie after a lot of yakking from the humans! Jenny’s sole purpose was to scream or cry loudly and look pretty which became quite annoying. Sonny’s street fighter powers were greatly reduced here. Instead of fileting the fishmen, he was routinely dominated. But I will say the evil scientists made good use of their label makers by neatly labeling every can of atomic waste dumped at the bottom of the ocean clearly and succinctly.

Fans of Sonny Chiba or old monster flicks may be disappointed by this film. The underwater installations, subs, and torpedoes were all well-crafted. If only as much attention had been paid to the acting and costumes. Even graded on a curve, Terror Beneath the Sea barely made a passing grade.

23 October 2024

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