Zhao Lusi breaks silence on suffering from depression and physical abuse

After being in the headlines for her sudden deterioration of health and reports of her being abused in the past, Zhao Lusi has finally broken the silence on what she's been going through. 

On January 1, the Chinese actress posted details about her condition on her social media. Her post is as follows:

This is my first and last response to all that has happened recently. I sincerely apologize for taking up public resources [public attention - referring to top spots on searches and hot topics lists in China]. Before this, I had never let my illness affect my work or the people around me. I also acknowledge my own issues. It's because I tend to endure a lot that it took me this past half-month to realize that deep down, I'm not actually as magnanimous and tolerant a person as I thought. Therefore, I too am responsible.

My profession has brought me more help and support, for which I am truly grateful and feel incredibly fortunate. So, I can understand all the misunderstandings that may have arisen.

I fully support the idea that you can choose the career you aspire to at any time because you always have the right to escape the tiring and difficult circumstances you are in. If you want to stop, you can stop at any time. You are free, and you can also be brave.

I also understand that everyone has experienced grievances and injustice [in life]. I've heard far too many horrifying stories. If someone, without receiving any aid, is silenced while the perpetrator continues to escalate their [bad] behavior — regardless of profession, age, or gender — I believe this is absolutely wrong. Forcing someone to reopen their wounds just to prove that they're not 'overthinking,' not 'too weak to endure,' or not 'dissatisfied' is absurd.

No matter the cause of the trauma, no one except a doctor has the right to judge the severity of the incident, or whether it can be considered a cause of illness.

In 2019, I experienced depression but was told things like, 'Don't make a big deal out of it' and 'Just think positively, and everything will be fine.' I also felt that I was being overly dramatic and sensitive, so I didn't pay attention to my mental health issues.

By 2021, I began feeling sensations like insects crawling on my body and needles pricking on my skin, accompanied by allergies. Even after taking medication and getting injections at the hospital, the symptoms didn't improve. Then, I sought out a psychologist and started treatment to relieve my emotional tension.

In 2023, a series of events happened one after another in a short period of time. I experienced pneumonia, emphysema, pityriasis rosea, urticaria, night sweats that woke me up, sudden deafness due to neurological issues, and also had to deal with [the news of] relatives passing away and [them] being diagnosed with cancer. However, the weight of the events overshadowed my emotions, leading me to continue neglecting myself [and my emotions].

It wasn't until 2024 that I began experiencing frequent dry heaving, dizziness, joint pain, neck pain, and other obvious somatic symptoms, along with worsening allergies. At the time, I thought these were normal side effects of the allergy-targeted medication I was taking.

When I was a child, people often said I'm a useless 'flower vase' [just a pretty face]. During after-school tutoring, I was beaten in the teacher's dormitory. At the time, I thought it was justified because my academic performance was poor. I didn’t dare speak up because I believed that 'one must find the cause of any problem within oneself.'

After growing up, I experienced physical abuse again. I thought failing to get into acting school was entirely my fault. I didn't dare cause a scene; I just wanted to escape. I had become accustomed to handling everything on my own and never developed the habit of seeking help from anyone. Later, when my work started gaining recognition, I finally had the confidence to say goodbye, thanks to the support and encouragement from others.

In the end, the person took away a huge 'breakup fee' and only then was willing to stop their extreme behavior of 'crying, causing trouble, and threatening suicide.' There were constant rumors and slanders both inside and outside the industry, and many people 'gossiped' before coming to chat with me. I realized that each incident only deepened the pain. So the harm never truly stopped...

I understand very well that I don't have the right to want everything or to expect my friends, parents, company, and everyone around me to be perfect. They've never hurt me and have done their best to protect me — that's enough [for me].

I've never spoken about this illness [of mine] before because I didn't want it to be labeled as so-called 'hype' [or publicity stunt]. But now that things have come to this, I just hope to help more people understand: Depression [as in feeling depressed] is an emotion, but depression as a disorder is an illness. It cannot be resolved simply by 'thinking positively' or 'talking it out.'

I sincerely hope that those of you who 'feel the same as I do' realize that in such situations whether or not you are truly 'understood' no longer matters.

You will continue to struggle to prove yourself in the vortex of public discussion but remain unable to save yourself. Understanding [and learning about] psychological illnesses and prioritizing treatment is incredibly important. Regret is a useless emotion.

So take it as a 'special period' to overturn the inner conflicts you’ve been carrying [from the past], and an opportunity to rebuild yourself.

I am deeply grateful for all the care because love has let me live once again.
Wishing everyone a Happy New Year and happiness every day.

Source: Weibo