Clichés in western films and dramas

We are always talking about asian clichés - which is fine, given the reason why we are here - but have we forgotten all the clichés found in "our" films and dramas?
Help me compile a funny list. Here I start:

- In suspence movies involving a bomb, the squad always have a little more than 1 minute time to defuse a bomb. In the meantime, you prepare dinner, have a shower, make an overseas phone call and your daughter who was 5 has entered university. When you come back to the movie, Jack (the hero's name is 99% Jack) is still deciding between the red and the blue cable. It certainly is the red, but at the last second he cuts the blue one.

- The police/FBI/CIA/DEA/Interpol partner is always called Frank. He never has a surname. When he has, it's either Kowalski or Marino.

- A car driving at the speed of 50 Km/h hits a bump on the road and flies in the air, looping for good 3 minutes and landing on the cars waiting at the traffic light. If the hero was driving, he'll come out with a scratch on the forehead. If his wife was driving, she'll die on the spot (not surprisingly).

- In horror movies there's always a group of friends with a blonde chick, a black/asian/ethnic minority guy and others. They are stuck in an old house and a serial killer with an electric saw is haunting the bush (no one asks how is this possible. Maybe tree trunks have incorporated plugs).
The black/asian etc. guy dies second, third if he's particularly lucky.
"Let's always stay together!!!", warns the group leader. The blond girl - IQ 1,23 - goes out at night, alone, in the forest for unknown reasons. She hears a rustling sound. "Who's there?" "Is anybody there?" "Come out!"
The killer obliges, of course. She runs - in the opposite direction from the house - stumbles, falls down, horrified expression, "no!!!!", music rises.
The blond is dead, of which at this point we are all relieved.

- Don't fall in love with the good-looking, honest, sweet, considerate guy in the first episodes of a drama: by season 34 he'll be a drug-dealer, treacherous psychopath with a dark past.

So, willing to make the list longer? ;)

ROFL, I'm laughing so hard!!!

How about the bad guy who finally has his nemesis - aka our hero - in front of him, tied and beaten, points a gun at his forehead and instead of shooting and be done with, he decides to explain why he hates him, talks about his childhood and laughs histerically anticipating the moment when his enemy will finally die. Which will never happen, thanks to the endless panegyric. :P

Oh, a corollary to your bomb cliche, Rita, is when the hero successfully deactivates a time bomb with 0:01 left on the clock. One of my all-time favorite movies, Galaxy Quest, pokes fun at cliches found in science fiction movies and tv shows, and that particular cliche features in the climactic finale.

And there's:

-When trying to sneak past guards, our hero will execute the most elaborate gymnastic flips and rolls to avoid detection. (Or, in the case of The Greatest Love, our heroine. I know! Not Western! BUT SO FUNNY!)

-Whenever there's a strange occurrence and people go to investigate, they always leave the most expendable, weakest member of the group behind with a walkie-talkie and the assurance, "What's the worst that could happen?" And then the worst happens.

-All villains are English. Unless it's a James Bond movie, in which case all villains are Russian.

-Apparently, the brakes of a car are incredibly fragile, and will inevitably break on you during the most important car chase of your life.

-When all else fails, a stirring musical number can melt the heart of the villain and save the day, especially when a local, small town establishment is at stake.

-If you're a dowdy looking female with glasses and your hair constantly in a bun or ponytail, get contacts and let your hair down---instant sex goddess! Clearly, those glasses were masking your beauty.

-For the Women Folk: Virgins are always good, kind, and honest. Strangely enough, prostitutes are also good, kind, and honest who are just down on their luck.

And there're tons more, but I'll stop there for now!

Despite the fact that the villains give a long-winded speech regarding their motives, they eventually comes to the point where they are actually ready to shoot the hero, but thankfully there is always another good guy waiting in the wings, some distance away that no one notices, to shoot the bad guy right before that happens. Of course, the hero can't do it because he invariably runs out of bullets or the gun jams.

However, had the bad guy actually gotten a shot off, it wouldn't have mattered because all villains suck at shooting and couldn't hit the broad side of a barn...even when there are six or more people shooting at one guy.

Also, beware of movies about teenagers who are slightly troubled where one member of the "gang" has a little brother that likes to tag along. The little brother will die. This, in turn, shows the wayward teenagers that they need to become better people because "little bro" didn't die for nothing.

One of my flatmates made me watch the movie Freedom Writers last night, and it reminded me of a specifically American movie cliche that manages simultaneously to drive me up the wall and to make me laugh until I cry.

I think this sketch from a now sadly canceled sketch comedy show sufficiently lampoons this cliche:

Hahaha, I wonder if we have a nice white lady available on the forum: she's going to make us write down our innermost thoughts and we'll all become better people. LOL After all, we are all "minorities" here! ;)

Let's talk about romance, shall we?
Love and the magic bed:
our couple of lovers wakes up in a king-size bed the morning "after". She has to go brush her teeth before saying hi, so she stands up and walks into the bathroom with one kilometre of sheet/duvet all wrapped up around her body like a sausage.
The camera moves to him, still lying in bed, contented and with no thought of brushing his teeth and, surprise: he's all wrapped up in a sheet/duvet too!

Or, rewinding back to the couple still being in bed together, they're lying right next to each other, and the woman has her portion of sheet pulled up to her armpits while the guy has his wrapped around his waist. I guess they sell special L-shaped top sheets for lovers?

Demoninside wrote: I mean...c'mon! You need to see the guy's sexy chest at least! :D

True, true. :D This is why Denny De Vito or John Goodman were never casted as the main hero in a romantic movie. The special L-shaped sheets would be wasted on them. :P

Our rom-com heroine, on the other hand, always has 1 girlfriend (only one. Having more friends would mean she's shallow). This friend is either dowdy and with spectacles, or flipped with gothic taste. The middle way is unheard of.